


The Shelter

by Irimsaya, shadow0246



Series: Reunited [6]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 12:25:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irimsaya/pseuds/Irimsaya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow0246/pseuds/shadow0246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jase continues to fight his demons with the help of his family. The Shelter is being created</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shelter

**Author's Note:**

> Follow up directly to "Victory and Losses". 
> 
> Co-written with my long time friend in crime: Irimsaya.
> 
> Really good now to read the whole series of Reunited (or at least part one and Victory and Losses), otherwise this doesn't make any sense now.
> 
> \- originally written only for my friend and I as text rpg  
> \- Jase IS Commander Shepard too (and gay), but from an alternate reality (came over in ME1, Eden Prime)  
> \- additional characters we listed are covered, but main focus are our Shepards and their LIs
> 
> Characters are written by:  
> Shadow:  
> Jase (Jason) Shepard, Kaidan Alenko, Darian Salvar (original character), Dr. Arlen Novak (original character), sometimes Joker, Hannah Shepard and Edi
> 
> Irimsaya:  
> Irimsaya "Saya" Shepard, Joker, Kasumi, Miranda Lawson, Liam (original character), Liara, Dr. Chakwas,  
> most of Hannah Shepard and Edi, sometimes Kaidan Alenko (eg: Jase and Kaidan talk, Saya writes Kaidan)

### Creating the shelter

Jase woke up from a dream in the very early morning hours. The sleep he had gotten had been good though, despite the stupidness of chasing banshees, or rather they chasing him, killing many husks and believing the reapers were still alive.

The sun wasn't up yet but he could hear the waves splashing against the shore and a mild breeze was blowing. He still couldn't really judge the weather without pulling up the forecast on his omni-tool, something he had never been really good with and he always had to rely on tech to make the right decisions. Jase only ever knew if there was rain or snow to come when it actually started. And often his crew had whispered about this behind his back.

Turning around in their bed he looked at Jeff, reached out a hand to caress his shoulder and side gently without waking him up. At last he reached up to smooth out the brow and ruffled the hair gently before caressing his cheek. Then he got up. 

Miranda wouldn't be up for another two hours which left him with some time to kill. 

Jase checked up on his fish. They were fine. Next he went to the boxes which still stood downstairs and he opened them. There was a big one, which held all his armour. Not his favourite one, the one he had always used and had been burnt to a crisp. He had never seen what it had looked like for real after Dr. Chakwas had gotten it off him. The memories were enough to know it had been bad. 

In a smaller box was his Spectre gun stored away. He took it into his hands, weighing it carefully before putting it aside. His sniper rifle, the Kassa Locust he had used to take down the Collectors and the Mattock. The last two hadn't seen a fight since a while. 

Jase rubbed his face a little and put everything back together. Once piled up Jase carried the boxes upstairs. Then he changed into is trunks and went for a swim in the pool. The ocean was there too, but he didn't know if there were still sharks around and he knew one shouldn't swim when the animals had their hunting time. He spent the time in the pool, reflecting on himself, the last year, Jeff's meds and thinking about the future. Once it was time to go for the daily run with Miranda he got changed.

After they returned Jase did his part of the duty tour and went back upstairs for a quick shower and changed into fresh clothes before returning downstairs to fix up breakfast for the family. To his surprise Saya was already there with the twins.

"Morning sis." Jase smiled at her, gave her shoulder a pat and went to look at the twins.

Irimsaya was lounging downstairs with the twins the next morning, letting Kaidan sleep in as he seemed to need it.

"Morning bro." Saya smiled as he patted her shoulder then went to the twins. "They were getting restless so thought I'd bring them down here."

Jase leaned down and tickled their bellies gently. "Who wants to spend the entire day in bed, huh? Not the two of you. You're like your mommy." Jase turned to Saya. "Want to take them out? Go for a walk after breakfast?"

Irimsaya studied him then chuckled softly.

"I'm sure they would enjoy that. They do love spending time with you."

"Heh. That's mutual though." Jase replied with a smile. But then he suddenly had something else on his mind. "Thanks, by the way. You're always there for me."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Uhm.. you're welcome. Very welcome actually. And the feeling is mutual."

Jase studied her for a few seconds, then he nodded and went over to the fridge. He opened it and peered inside before he fished out the toast, a few eggs and bacon. Amongst other things they could use for a breakfast. Then he set up the water for the tea. 

"Blessed be the days when I can have coffee again," he sighed softly.

"Are you really missing it that much?"

Jase nodded after thinking about it once more. "I have no right to complain. I got a roof over the head and a lot more than others have. But...," he shrugged, "yeah."

Irimsaya nodded a bit, totally understanding where he was coming from.

"I know... I know exactly how you feel."

Jase knew she liked tea, or maybe he thought she did. When the eggs and beacon were in the pan he wondered what it was she was missing. Maybe the action and going on missions?

"What are you missing?"

"You don't want to ask me that Jase unless you want me back in that pit of mine."

"No. You better stay out of that pit," Jase replied and focused back on their food. Just as he wanted to sit down and eat with her the terminal on their floor went off, someone was calling them. What a lousy timing.

"Let me get that," Jase said and answered it. Then his voice showed surprised.

"Terry! How are you? I thought you were..,"

" _Dead? No way. Saw you on the vids yesterday and thought I should get in touch with you."_

Jase rolled his eyes at the vids comment but was pleasantly surprised and glad to hear from him.

"Did you. Glad to hear from you, you doing alright?"

" _Yeah. Listen, I've found an old friend of yours. You remember Kelly Chambers?"_

"I do. She's alive?"

" _Yes. Actually, she and I are, uh, a pair."_

Jase laughed and shook his head. "Figures you two would end up with each other, how's she doing?"

" _Fine, considering. We have a problem though. We can't stay here and I heard about that shelter of yours."_

"Terry. It's not open yet. We haven't even finished one of the houses."

" _Then you can use any help you can get. We got nowhere else to go. You remember Sakura?"_

"She's the only kid that survived," Jase mused in thought.

" _Yeah. She's with us. The kid needs to see something else aside of the Citadel. Badly."_

"Alright, there's enough room. Got a few bedrolls somewhere and you got a place to stay. When can you come?"

" _That's.. ah.. another problem. We could use a pickup."_

Jase sighed and rubbed his face, then he nodded eventually.

"We got a shuttle, we'll pick you up. Just tell me which dock and time."

" _I'll forward you the data. And Shepard man, it's good to have you back."_

"It's good to be back Terry." Jase told him and the channel went down. Jase exhaled and moved his hand through his hair. Citadel. He could do it. 'Food first though', he thought as he went back to Saya.

"Is everything alright, Jase?" Saya was actually surprised that someone had called for them.

Jase dove into his food, chewing it thoughtfully before he answered her question.

"I'm going to the Citadel. Picking up an old friend, his girlfriend and the girl from the old Shelter."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"Want me to come with you?" She knew it wouldn't be easy for him to do it alone. Emotionally that is.

Jase just wanted to reply with a yes when his omni-tool flashed, having received a message. He read it and nodded eventually. In the afternoon they would pick them up.

"Yes. Come with me. Jeff can fly us. Gives him something to do, too. Got the docking bay and the time."

Irimsaya frowned a little bit.

"Jase... I gather Jeff hasn't told you... and I don't care if I'm betraying his confidence or not - did you know he's cut himself back to one pill a day of his meds??"

Jase shoved his food away thinking. A few things made sense now.

"No. So that's why he's been in such a pain yesterday. He said he's rationed it."

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"He's more than just rationed it Jase. He told me he only has about 200 pills left. And he was taking 6 a day."

"Chakwas brought another pack with her," Jase replied. And that Jeff had told her the whole story and not him told him a lot too. "Damn it..! He was in so much pain. I just.. wished I could make it go away, for him. And do something."

"He didn't want you to know how desperate the situation is for him. You've had enough on your mind - his words not mine."

"Yeah. Of course he did. Last night he asked me what will happen to him if he runs out of his meds. I'd rather go and rob a warehouse or something before he has to go through such pain again."

Irimsaya sipped her tea and watched him.

"It's already being taken care of Jase."

Jase eyed her. She was up to something. He knew it. Or rather she was already involved. 

"How."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"You haven't noticed that Kasumi is missing?"

Coming to think about it, Jase hadn't seen her for a while. And he couldn't even say if she was still around or not.

"No. In fact I haven't seen her for some time. What have you two been up to...," he asked, leaning forward.

"She and I have been doing a little research and found the meds Jeff needs. Only not where we thought we could get them without a little... mmmh... stealthiness."

Jase smirked a little at this. She could say that, stealthiness. "She must be really fond of Jeff when she's willing to risk her... cloak."

"The less you know the better Jase, trust me on that."

"Just which one of you came up with that plan? And why are you even telling me about it?" Jase frowned at her a little, knowing there was a lot more to it than she let on.

"It was a mutual idea actually. Well okay I came up with the idea and she volunteered. She *is* the best thief in the galaxy after all."

"Good to know she's our friend. And this little bit of information has of course nothing to do with us going to the Citadel."

"Oh of course not why would it have anything to do with that? I have no idea what you're talking about..." Saya's eyes were wide with fake innocence.

"No. Of course not," Jase shook his head no again with a grin. "We're just picking up old friends and help a child." He drank his tea in one big gulp before he said, "Too bad I don't have a cloak of my own."

"Why? Why not let others do things for you for a change. You're always giving of yourself."

"True. Anyway, I'm glad to have friends like her. Jeff needs to know there are people around who care more about him than he thinks."

"Yeeeah good luck getting that through his thick head.."

Jase chuckled softly, "I have my methods." Then he stood up, getting the breakfast ready for Jeff. "Gonna go and bring my super hero prince his breakfast." He pointed his finger at her, "After that, I'll get changed and take the twins for a walk." 

Jase realized the day was already half planned anyway. At some point they needed to leave for the Citadel and he had to figure out where to let Terry, Kelly and Sakura sleep.

Saya smiled at him and nodded.

"I'll get a note ready for Kaidan so he won't worry."

He nodded at this and if Kaidan slept so long, he surely needed it. Jase took the loaded plate and the bottle of tea upstairs to Jeff. He placed the food carefully on the nightstand and leaned down to kiss him awake. His hand was sneaking under the blanket towards the other goal and Jase had a feral like grin on his face, knowing how nice it was to wake up to a new day like this.

Joker gasped away when he felt the intrusion then he grinned like an idiot at Jase.

"Oh really..... Good morning to you too..."

"Morning, my breakfast was lacking something," he kissed him gently again. "I'll go for a walk with Saya and the twins after this," he whispered into his ear. He'd have to brush his teeth later again, but the extra time was well worth spent.

Irimsaya finished her note then went back to her tea while she waited for her brother.

Jase came kind of jogging back down, in a better mood than before and apologized right away.

"Sorry. Took a little longer."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"I kinda figured."

Jase shrugged with a grin and went to the babies. "Carry them?"

"I think they'd like that to be honest."

'And who wouldn't like that?' Jase mused while picking up David, trying to divide his attention equally between the twins.

"We're going for a walk, see what's out there. Would you like that?" Jase told him softly and made, "Aww..," when he yawned and stretched a little in his arms. He couldn't resist to caress the small cheek with his index finger. The size was such a difference. He himself all grown up and David so little. Jase knew he loved the babies a lot, it even felt a little like they were his, too.

Irimsaya was smiling as she picked up Hilary.

"Oh you are definitely David's favourite uncle."

"Heh," Jase just replied. That someone so small would already favour a person over another? Jase took the bag with the babies' things and slipped it over his shoulders.

"All set."

"Are you alright with all that? I can take something.."

"Fine, thanks sis." Then Jase thought of something. "Take David for a second please." 

Once he had his hands free he took the bag and moved it around. The strap on his back, bag in front and then he pushed it over his head, creating some kind of backpack of it. He shrugged and gave her a grin.

"Hand's are free, easier to carry."

"Well aren't you the clever one." Saya was grinning. "Let's go then.."

Jase chuckled softly and nodded at her. On the way out he grabbed a water bottle for them and shoved it into his short's knee pocket. He had no idea where to walk from there on and what to expect from the further landscape.

"Stroll on the beach or more towards town?"

"Why don't we stick near the beach for now? It's more soothing I think."

"Sounds good." Jase followed her down to the beach and walked on with her towards the left, watching the ocean. When he looked back he saw Liam following them. Sometimes Jase thought the Geth felt lonely, but then it wasn't a human and he knew they weren't.

"He really does want to look after us huh?" Saya said after she spotted the Geth as well.

"Yeah, like a dog following us around." Jase chuckled softly. 

"Yeah I guess you could say that.."

Jase was watching her. "What's on your mind?"

"Mainly my career and what I should or what I want to do."

"Aaand... any progress?" Jase carefully asked, leaving it up to her what she would do with the answer.

Irimsaya shook her head a little bit.

"No not really.."

Jase laid his free hand onto her shoulder. 

"You'll figure it out. In time." He had one question now though, "What if I hadn't dropped out?"

"Then you would be commanding the Normandy. I still think you should be. It isn't really my ship anymore."

"Mh." Jase thought about this. Maybe one day, if he got truly bored and wanted to explore the galaxy some more, or visiting old friends. On Rannoch, Palaven, Tuchanka. But then he'd have a different ship.

"It never was my ship. Not in my world, not here. It's your ship. You should be commanding it." He kind of told her the same.

"I'm not the hero of the universe... it's not me they want."

"It always comes down to this, doesn't it. You thinking they don't want you, but me. You're trying to find your place right now. You need to focus on yourself but not me, or who I am."

Irimsaya just shook her head silently. He didn't know, or didn't want to know. And no matter how hard she tried to tell him - it was like he ignored her words.

"What...?" Jase asked her, shrugging a little.

"Nothing, never mind."

"Damn... Saya. Explain this to me. I got this picture of you in my head. A soldier, brave and smart person. Taking a stand, doing what she has to. Someone like me." Jase carefully adjusted David in his arms.

"And that's who I am. But that's not how everyone sees me anymore."

"They're stupid to ignore it. Surely yesterday has helped you some." Jase grumbled softly. It nearly felt like a personal attack towards him too when the Alliance was treating her like... a recruit.

"Yesterday was our mother's doing. Her influence and arguments only."

"And you're so sure about that." Jase gave up somehow now, he had no idea what else to do aside of giving her a punch to start fighting for herself. He felt shaken when this thought crossed his mind. Somehow he figured this was also why she had never really gotten over Akuze and yet, maybe it had something to do with their past and how they grew up. She had been sheltered, parents there and helping.

"Yes Jase, I am sure about that. Ask her and see if she'll deny it."

He sighed softly. "I hate this."

"And you think I don't?"

"What makes you think I think you wouldn't?"

Irimsaya had to stop walking and stare at him for a minute.

"Okay never mind I'm getting too confused now."

"I know you hate this too. Honestly.. I don't know anymore how to help you. I want you to pick up your life and proceed but apparently you're as stuck as I am." Jase waved around at the beach. "Like wet sticky sand."

"You're not stuck Jase. There are a lot of people who want you. Especially back on the Normandy. Hackett... Anderson... Edi... The list goes on. Pretty much everyone at that party wants... you."

Jase frowned at her, while he now got the idea why she felt like this, something else struck him.

"Hang on, Hackett's alive? I thought he was dead, having died a hero or something."

Irimsaya turned to him and shook her head.

"Sorry I should have clarified - he left a recording in case he didn't make it."

"Damn. He said that?" Jase muttered something under his breath, no wonder she felt like this.

"They're all saying it." Saya's voice was quiet. "Apparently me getting pregnant was not the best career choice. They want to put me behind a desk."

"What kind of bullshit is this. Your mother raised you just fine." 

Irimsaya watched him with a raised eyebrow.

"Cerberus. The Geth. They consider me somewhat of a security risk."

"Cerberus' dead, the Geth are our allies. They never wanted to go to war." Jase pointed towards Liam behind them. "If they consider you a risk, what does that tell them about me? Another reality, Genophage cured, an Alliance with the biggest badass mercs you can ask for. I lost Thessia."

"*We* lost Thessia. And as for the Geth - it's because they tried to experiment on me with that husk crap."

Jase laid David onto his chest, having him looking over his shoulder. The small head he held with his hand and rubbed his back gently.

"Nothing happened. Cerberus got rid of that crap in you. Don't tell me they blame you for the Rachni, too. If anyone's dangerous for them, it's me."

Jase shook his head and laughed a little. "Think about it. They sent us on the most dangerous missions. If they wanted to get rid of us, they need to do better."

"They don't want to get rid of *us*. Just me Jase." She smiled tightly. "And I refuse to sit behind a desk so I guess I'll be finding another line of work."

"Desks aren't made for us," he agreed and grew silent, thinking more. 

"Go to Omega, throw Aria out of her club. Add some male dancers," he winked at her but grew serious then again. 

"I went to London and the Citadel for you, for the little ones. Believing I was giving you a future by carrying on our legacy and this happens?" Jase shook his head, "That's the worst they can do to me. Treating you like shit."

"I guess they figure that's why you deserve it. You did everything and I didn't."

"They fail to see it from my point of view. They forget you are me and I'm you." Which made it even worse. They were tossing her aside, trying to lure him in and yet they were technically the same and not.

"They don't know me. They think they do, but they don't. Hell, I nearly decked Kaidan in the kitchen when he grabbed my wrist!" And then he remembered what Kaidan had said, that he was so... what?

"He said, 'You're so....'. But what?" 

"Stubborn? Blind? How the hell should I know what he would have said. And I'm glad you didn't deck him cause then you would've been decked by me."

Jase started laughing softly, Saya decking him. Yeah, he could see that.

"They don't get whatever they're doing to you, they're doing to me, too. The more they push you away...," he left the rest unspoken.

Irimsaya leaned in and kissed his cheek gently.

"Thank you."

Jase grinned at the kiss. It was.. still a bit weird but somehow he felt so stupidly freaking loved.

"My, I'm getting a lot of kisses from you lately. You're welcome." For whatever he did, he thought.

"Well I really feel like you're my brother and I appreciate that. More than you could ever know."

"You can stand in the middle of a crowd and still be alone. Worse, you go down and people push you further down. No one there who gives you a hand, helping you back onto your feet." Jase looked at her. "You'll never be alone. Not with me around."

Irimsaya felt tears pricking her eyes.

"Thank you Jase." She whispered hoarsely.

Jase reached out and brushed some hair out of her face. While watching her he wondered why he never had seen her as a friend too, but always had thought of her only as sister. Or his Commander. Now he felt even more sorry for having pushed her away after London, while she was pregnant. But the thought of addressing her as a friend had never crossed his mind as he always had those around him categorized as either part of a team, someone with lower rank or upper rank, or family like.

Those lines were getting more and more blurry and he knew he was starting to learn what family really meant. And friend. Which caused him to add another label for Jeff too. Not just husband, or pilot, no, now it was friend too, and family. Saya meant sister, friend, soldier and family to him now and Kaidan, well. Biotic. Family and somehow friend. And the twins? He wondered about them, aside of family they posed something to love and to protect. Innocence.

"Are you alright? You've gone really quiet.."

"Yes. Just... thinking." Jase knew she'd ask about what exactly. "Labels. What family actually means. A family member can also be a best friend."

Irimsaya watched him for a minute.

"Please, do tell."

Jase touched her shoulder lightly.

"Sister, family, friend, soldier. Jeff: husband, family, pilot, friend.... Kaidan: biotic, family. Friend." Jase motioned at the twins. "Innocence."

And somehow he started wondering where this left him. How did he fit into this picture. A child was usually being photographed between their parents. But now? The usual emptiness around him wasn't anymore. Jase tried to imagine their family picture, only his figure was warping around not being able to assign himself a place. He only knew it should be next to Jeff.

"Where does this leave me? Where's my place?"

Irimsaya put her free hand on his shoulder.

"Right next to me. Where you belong."

Jase thought about this and put himself into the picture with Jeff next to him.

"Thanks," he nodded. "Thanks."

Irimsaya smiled a little bit.

"You're welcome and you know I mean it."

"Thanks. I do. That's what you get for growing up on your own." Jase replied and somehow he had never expected to have a family this big. Maybe living together with someone, meeting some in-laws. But actually caring for babies and having a sister was nice.

"So... what now then Jase?"

He shrugged a little at her and looked around once more, over the ocean. Then his gaze traveled along the beach ahead where he spotted some people, further away. Two were out on the water, surfing, as he could see.

"Depends on you. Walk some more, or go back."

She raised an eyebrow, not having meant what he thought she meant. But then she had to wonder if he had deliberately misconstrued her meaning.

"Mmh... right..."

Jase picked up on that and looked back at her. "Alright, I'm tired. Not doing good at cryptic. You were saying..?"

"What happens now Jase. For both of us."

Jase knew what he would be doing, but for her? What else of advice could he give, especially to her.

"What would you like to do? Forget about the crap going on for a moment, what would it be?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I want to be back out there, where the action is."

"What's stopping you? The brass? You're more than what they think you are. A desk job? Turn it down. Make it clear what you want."

"I tried Jase. I *tried*. I can't make them change their minds though."

"Jesus. Didn't think it was that bad. Fucking idiots. Anderson even approves??"

Irimsaya just nodded silently, she wasn't sure she could even say anymore without breaking down again.

Jase snorted softly as he mulled this over. It made him feel angry.

"By this they think they'll win me back. Watch." He held up his free hand for her which was shaking.

"I have some kind of a sandsack in the first house to let go of pent up emotions. And even that only means to vent. The rest is locked away. It's getting full though. When Kaidan took my wrist, it was getting close to breaking free. They don't want me, they **can't** want me. If they do. Heaven help them. Or me."

Jase knew he had to talk to them, tell them why and hopefully convince them that it was Saya they wanted.

Irimsaya gently put her hand over his shaking one, quite aware of her babies who were silently watching with what seemed like intent interest.

"Have you ever seen me blow up? Nobody has - not even Kaidan. I *have* no outlet - which makes me happy that you found one."

Jase slowly extracted his hand to rub his face while watching her thoughtfully, wondering if she had understood or not. Hitting a sandsack over and over again was one thing. But the destruction he lately often felt and had locked away, was more severe. Just pulling a trigger, killing something or someone, wasn't satisfying. The urge to hurt something, destroy it, seeing it burn and broken and bent with holes in it, taking a bat to hit it, screaming, raging, exhausting himself and letting go of... it. And then there were words causing him to feel intense feelings, overwhelming him, urging him to run and to cry. He didn't give in though.

The little smiles, the gentle jokes he'd done for people in London, giving the people around him a reason to fight the fight of their lives. If Shepard was going to feel this way and act they were sure they'd make it and give their best. Just a facade. He'd been as scared as they felt.

Jase knew he was broken, something had broken him and maybe, he should have died though. 

"I'm a walking bomb, with fire behind me. If I ever stop pushing forward, it'll catch me. Are you feeling the same way?" Jase asked and gently rubbed David's back again, kissing his head. 

If she did... then the Alliance was her reason and going back out there was her way to deal with it. As it used to be for him, but now it wasn't enough anymore. He needed to talk to them, do something for Saya. She couldn't go on like this. Enough was enough.

Irimsaya closed her eyes at his words, she had feared it was this bad.

"No.. I don't feel like a walking time bomb... I feel like... well like a submarine that's slowly sinking into the abyss."

"Which means it can still be turned around and rescued. If they're as focused on my person as you say they are, I'll make them see reason. They can't have me. If they want me back in the future, they better make sure they treat you right. Or I'll go public with this. And then they have a shitstorm coming their way."

Jase watched the ocean for a few seconds before he continued, "I can't believe Anderson allows this! He'd always been a mentor and a close friend, believing in each of us. More in you than me. My Anderson was a friend, like a father."

"My Anderson *used* to be that way. Until London."

Which puzzled him even more. "What the hell happened to him? I'll talk to him. There has to be a way. I can't accept this."

Irimsaya shrugged a little.

"If he listens is another story but enough about me. I'm more worried about you Jase."

"What about me, Saya. I'm dealing with it." Jase replied softly. "I'm.... grateful ... though. For you, being there."

"What's a sister - a friend - for?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "that's right. If you want to talk about that, let's sit down."

"Whatever you need..." She sat down in the sand with him, rocking Hilary in her arms.

Jase hummed a yes while thinking, biting his lip a little while he did so. He didn't really know what to say but somehow this connection to her was probably what he really needed.

"Everything's come to a stop. There's.. this anger in me. That's one thing. But.. there's not just the fire, also something like a lot of garbage I'm carrying around. It needs sorting."

"So why don't we try to sort it out together?"

"I'd like that. Just, where to start?" Jase looked down at David then, hearing an interesting noise and grinned when the small baby boy was softly snoring away.

Irimsaya chuckled softly as Hilary joined her brother.

"I think they like it here with us."

"Can't blame them. They're so adorable. That's what I'm learning right now. What it means to have a family."

"Then I'm doubly glad I had these two."

"You love babies." Jase chuckled softly and looked down at them. "Sometimes I just want to be held like this."

Irimsaya searched his face for a moment then nodded a little.

"I can understand that. Jeff can't really do it for you - but a sister could..."

"I'm afraid I'd break his arm. Haven't asked him to though." Jase moved around a little and laid his head onto her shoulder carefully. Then he closed his eyes.

"You're a good mother. You're good at everything." Jase told her softly. "As a kid, I used to watch the streets. Many women were passing by. I kept searching their faces, wondering if any of them looked like my mother."

Irimsaya didn't move, she wanted him to feel safe with her.

"I guess I was fortunate, even though I was constantly changing ships, never had any friends... at least I had one parent or the other all the time."

Jase smiled a little. "Such a life would have been incredible. Exciting even. It was a thousand times better than what I had. The only real friend I ever had was my dog."

"Well, that's not all you have any more. Promise me whenever you want or need to talk, vent, yell, whatever - you'll come to me."

"Even when I'll look like a stampede trying to run you down? It might scare you." Jase warned her. But then he was being curious about something else as he was thinking of growing up on a spaceship. Especially Saya as a child and feeling loved, free even, so different than what he had felt like.

"I have two more questions for you."

"Go ahead and ask away then."

"Did you ever play pranks on the ships and have you learned how to surf?"

"Nope and nope..."

"The second I can help with." Jase sat up and looked at her with a grin. "We just need a few boards."

"Not with a baby in your arms you can't."

Jase laughed softly while looking down at David, "That's right." Then he sighed softly. "Probably best to go back now."

"Only if you're ready to."

He wasn't really, but there was the time issue. Also, he already missed Joker and they needed to go to the Citadel.

"I'm not, but I'm missing Jeff."

Irimsaya was surprised at his confession but she nodded and stood up with him.

"Then let's get you back. And do me a favour - please don't tell anyone what I told you about what they're saying about me."

"Everything that's been said here stays between you and me. Wouldn't want you to tell Jeff about my problems either."

"I would never do that to you. Never."

Jase smiled at her, "Nor would I."

"Well then let's get back.. the little ones here won't be napping for long."

"I guess they want lunch when they wake up." Jase nodded and walked back with her, thinking about what they had chatted about.

"Are you taking the twins with you to the Citadel?" he asked when he could see their house again. Jase loved to look at it. As they walked closer, he started to ponder which room was behind which window.

"No, they're going to stay here with Kaidan and Mom. I've put some bottles of milk in the fridge for them just in case."

Jase had the feeling she was going to have some serious fun at the Citadel.

"So, what's the plan. Drop you off first? Pick both of you up later?"

"If all has gone according to plan.... yes..."

"And if not. What's the backup plan." Jase figured it probably best to store his sidearm away in the shuttle. Just in case.

"I am taking my pistol with me - what does that tell you?"

Jase contemplated this while he was watching her. He didn't want her to get into trouble. "Be careful. Whoever you'll meet there, they've been through hell. All of them."

"I'm always careful Jase, don't worry."

Jase knew when she was saying this it usually meant something else. When they came closer to the entry he saw Kaidan digging around in the dirt at the stairs and he wondered what he was doing. Until he saw he working on his garden, which made him grin. And the twin's bed was outside. This was good, he could lay down David and look after Jeff.

"Hey Kaidan. Having fun?" He asked while placing David into the bed.

"Actually, it's quite relaxing. If we're lucky, we'll have some extra food in, let's say, two months latest. It's vegetables though," he answered and eyed Saya then, giving her a smile.

"Nice. I'll go, see Jeff. Thanks for the walk, sis." Jase said and went inside in search of Joker.

Kaidan was looking at Saya when he stood up and brushed off his hands. "Thanks for letting me sleep in., he told her and gave her a gentle kiss before Hilary got one too. Then he went over to the bed and looked down at sleeping David.

"You're welcome of course." Saya smiled and walked over to where the bed was then gently placed Hilary inside. "Kaidan - something's come up and Jase has to go to the Citadel and... I have to go with him."

He looked at her with a frown. Of course things were different now with having to care for two little babies.

"I guess you want me to stay here and watch over our babies. What exactly has come up?"

"Uhm well the less you know is probably better to be honest sweetie." Saya leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. "I've left some bottles of milk in the fridge if they get hungry."

"Just wait a second here. You want to go to the Citadel and it's about something I shouldn't know about. Do you really think I'd let my wife go and let her do something dangerous without me knowing what exactly she's doing? What if something doesn't go the way you want it to? The Citadel is huge." Kaidan frowned at her.

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows at him, surprised at his little outburst.

"Kaidan, sweetie, I'm your wife yes but I still have all my skills as a soldier. All you need to know is I'm going to meet Kasumi alright? Any more than that and well... I don't want you in trouble okay?"

"I .. appreciate this. I don't even doubt your skill. I know you'll be doing what you have to do, but.. you're my wife. And well, the mother of our children. I just want to know you'll be alright."

"I'll be fine Kaidan, I promise."

Kaidan nodded and hugged her, wrapping his arms around her. "Is your brother involved in this as well?"

Irimsaya shook her head, taking strength in his hug.

"No, and he only just found out too."

"Mmh. Okay. I just never know with the two of you. Especially when you kind of gang up on me." Kaidan chuckled softly. "And when are you supposed to be back home?"

"I'm hoping by tonight if all goes well."

Kaidan knew he didn't need to remind her the babies needed feeding at some point.

"Then I'll try to make you dinner. Or help, or whatever else I can do. And then, I'm running you a bath to relax." He looked at her and touched her nose gently with his indexfinger.

Irimsaya smiled then tilted her head up to kiss his finger.

"Just remember if I'm late and they get hungry - milk's in the fridge. *My* milk is in the fridge."

"Mh. Well, if they don't get hungry, I might take a sip." Kaidan teased her but nodded then. "I'll take good care of them, don't worry. Just come back home in time."

Irimsaya smiled and kissed him passionately.

"That's a promise."

Kaidan rubbed her back gently and kissed her again. "Love you."

"I love you too." Her voice was soft. "Take care of everything while I'm gone okay?"

"Aye aye, Captain," he smiled at her and gave her another kiss, "I will."

Irimsaya groaned into the kiss.

"Keep that up and I won't be able to leave..."

"And when do you have to leave?" Kaidan asked softly, figuring they might have half an hour of time.

"In an hour or two..."

"Then we have enough time. That is if you.. want to."

"We need someone to watch the babies first... and like you even have to ask if I want to..."

Kaidan chuckled softly and thought about who could watch them. 

"Well, your mom comes to mind, Joker, Jase, maybe Liam?"

"Jase just went to find Joker so why don't we say mom, I think that's the safest.."

Kaidan nodded and picked up David to cuddle him. "I've missed all of you."

Irimsaya chuckled a little.

"We weren't gone *that* long.."

Kaidan grinned at her a little. "No. But I don't know what it will be like once I'm back at work. For now, I want to enjoy every minute I have with them."

Irimsaya smirked a bit.

"Just with them?" She teased.

Kaidan leaned over to her and whispered into her ear, "No, your time is more special. Extra important special."

Irimsaya shivered in delight.

"I'm uh... I'll find mom..." She all but ran into the house.

Kaidan chuckled softly and carried the babies inside.

Irimsaya dragged her mom to where Kaidan had put the babies, thanking her profusely as she then grabbed Kaidan's hand and pulled him towards the stairs.

There was a little bit of red on his face but he chuckled, allowing her to drag him upstairs. Somehow, he figured, he had to get used to it and her mother knew too well what they were up to. Better not to think about what others were thinking. Saya was more important. Kaidan reached out and tickled her a little instead.

Saya yelped in surprise as she felt the tickle and as soon as they were in their bedroom she flung the door shut and tackled him onto the bed, keeping his lips busy the whole time.

Kaidan tried to laugh but he couldn't and then it wasn't important anymore. Saya kept him occupied with other more interesting things.  


Jase stepped out of the shuttle after he had checked his spectre sidearm again and had stored it away in the shuttle. The Citadel looked... he didn't know what it looked like. Or what he had expected, aside of empty. Hardly anything could be seen. Aside of debris sometimes, which he didn't really understand why there would be debris at all. Dead people, bodies yes. But debris? And yet the sky of the Citadel looked like nothing had ever happened. He wondered how this could be. Next he checked for the keepers.

Irimsaya followed Jase out of the shuttle, looking around with sad eyes.

"Wow... Alright will you be okay then Jase? I'm going to go find Kasumi."

"I'll be fine. Comm me if you need me." Jase told her softly and gave her a gentle smile. The others should be here soon as well and he'd wait with Joker.

Saya nodded and headed off to the old warehouse section of the Citadel, hoping Kasumi was okay since she hadn't heard from her at the appointed time.

Kasumi swore again as her comm wasn't working and she tapped it again in frustration. When it still refused to do the wanted work she growled and had to use her omni-tool to send a message to the female Shepard. Before she did so she went to find a quiet corner and squeezed herself between many boxes and a wall. The place was smelling weird, she thought, and she wondered what else they had been storing there before the boxes had been moved into it.

" _Shep. Careful, place is funny_." She tapped into it and hit sent. Then the cloak was back up and she carefully walked around towards the entrance.

Irimsaya read the message from Kasumi and frowned. She knew that security was non-existent right now but for someone to be taking advantage of it was unusual. There must people somewhere in desperate need. Putting her hand on her sidearm, she made her way carefully into the area.

Once Kasumi saw her, she quickly joined her at her side.

"Well, I'm a thief too but I don't take advantage of the misery of others." Kasumi told her without decloaking. "My comm is broken. I knew I should have replaced it when it started to crackle."

Irimsaya narrowed her eyes at her friend's words.

"It might not be taking advantage, we don't know the story behind it. Either way... it's going to be trouble. Glad you're okay."

Kasumi sighed a little. "I've been hiding and watching from the shadows," she whispered to her. "They're breaking it open and selling it to the highest bidder. They make a lot of creds. If they would give it away for free I wouldn't call it an advantage. The meds for the beloved husband of our Commander Shepard are there in those boxes. I would have gotten them for you already, but you see, there is a problem." Kasumi whispered into her ear and nodded towards the boxes. But she knew Saya couldn't see it.

"You know I can break into everything and deal with every tech there is. But there's a few things I can't fool. It's called a dog. Or here, two dogs. They can smell me. I tried a lot," she shrugged, "but nothing helped. Do you have any suggestions?" 

Irimsaya frowned a bit.

"Dogs? Then they're probably just scared and looking for food or water..."

She moved into the room and saw them. Saya held out her hands, open palm to them.

"It's okay fellas, it's okay. I'm friendly. If you're nice I could even get you a nice home.."

Kasumi frowned and wondered what she was doing. The beasts hadn't been friendly to her at all and she had to watch out if the people came back. Now she was offering them something, a home?

"Shep... those thieves, they've got guns." Kasumi told her as she kept watching the area. From time to time she glanced at the dogs as well. She didn't trust them. Once she had owned some fish, but those had ended up as Sushi.

"Watch my back then Kasumi. These poor things are just hungry and scared." Saya smiled as they both nudged at her hands. "Oh I'm sorry guys I don't have anything. But you stay with me and we'll get you something as soon as we can." She smiled when they woofed at her in delight as if understanding her words.

Kasumi was watching her and she didn't understand how she could do this and convince these beasts to trust her. "Shep, how are you doing this? You just waltz into this place, talk to them and they're friendly?"

"They sense fear and hate Kasumi. If you show them love then you'll be loved. They just want to be understood and I know exactly how they feel. So now that we have a couple more in our group, let's get those meds for Joker."

"Over there, those single boxes." She told Saya and kept eyeing the dogs. As soon as she was convinced they wouldn't do anything she relaxed and focused back on the task. Kasumi went to watch and guard the area. 

Irimsaya walked over to the boxes and started loading up some meds for Joker, the dogs right at her side protecting her.

While she was guarding the area, Kasumi wondered if they were going to take down the group who was stealing the goods and selling them off. The way usually one of the Shepards worked indicated this. She also thought it would be better to drop them off somewhere, to bring them to justice and blame the stolen meds on them. She smirked at the thought. They _could_ drop them off or Kasumi could send a message to the authorities, mainly the very sparsely populated C-Sec or even the Alliance. 

"Mh," she hummed and sent a message to both, including vids for proof. A glance at Saya told her she had retrieved the meds for Joker and Kasumi went to her.

"Shep, how about we take down those thieves and pile them up here?" Her omni-tool beeped. "We have around 30 minutes of time before security will find them." She smirked, "Just so you know, I know where they are."

Irimsaya nodded, pleased that her friend still seemed to be able to read her mind.

"Let's do that Kasumi."

She looked down at the dogs who started to follow her and knelt to them, gently stroking both heads.

"You fellas stay here okay? I'll come back for you, I promise."

Saya smiled as they lied down reluctantly. The pair really was quite sweet and she wouldn't risk them in a firefight. They were innocents.

"Alright Kasumi. Let's get those guys and then come back for my new friends."

Kasumi nodded and walked with her together in. "Up ahead," she whispered, "behind the wall. I counted five people. I'll sneak to them, give them a nice surprise."

"I knew I should have worn my armour." Saya muttered under her breath, only in her off-duty clothes.

Kasumi chose a single standing man and sneaked up from behind. Since they wanted to deliver them to the security she didn't kill him, only knocked him out good. Once he had fallen carefully, her cloak went back into life. One down, four to go. Luckily she still had a few of her grenades and knew she could annoy the small group. She threw it and it went off with a blinding flash. Then she moved forward together with Saya, staying at her side.

Irimsaya let her fists and legs fly, she didn't want them to get shot so she was being very careful. Instead she wanted security to have a good crack at them. Saya grunted when she felt an elbow then a fist hit her face, breaking her nose and bruising her left eye. Kaidan would be mad but this was worth it.

Kasumi went into cloaking to bring down the one who had hit Saya. She sniggered at some point as they brought down the last and her cloak came off. 

"This was fun. You're as good as ever! It's just too bad I have no red rose to leave it behind." 

As she saw the eye and the bloody nose she shook her head at her. "Things always get a little bit messy with one of you two around, huh."

"Yeah... let's get out of here before C-Sec shows up." She whistled for the dogs who came running to her as if they'd known her all their lives.

Kasumi just shook her head, wondering how in the galaxy she could convince these two dogs just like this, while she had to tip toe around them and even then, she hadn't been able to get close to them.

"Yes, let's go Shep. With your new pets. You need to teach me how to tame dogs."  


Jase was wandering around outside the shuttle, taking in the Citadel once more. He was scratching his head from time to time. Whatever feelings he had expected to have, nothing was really there. Just some kind of weird emptiness where he should feel something. 

Terry, Kelly and Sakura were in the shuttle waiting and Jase understood why they wanted to leave. Not just because of what had happened here, but because right now the Citadel was a place for... he shrugged. Definitely not a place where he wanted to live right now. It was a trap, a mass grave. He knew about the history and Jase figured it had always been a mass grave of some kind when the Reapers had hit the galaxy. The beauty of the mega city had caused everyone to forget, or it had been unknown to them. But now. Would it make sense to use it? Or could it be turned into a memorial of some kind. 

Happy barking preceded the two women approaching the shuttle as the dogs playfully ran around them while they walked.

"Hey Jase, sorry we're late. And I hope we have room for a couple more passengers.."

Jase frowned at first but then he burst out laughing.

"Yes. Let me guess, they just followed you." He laughed, scratching his head and knelt down to greet them, letting them sniff his hand.

As he looked up at his sister he saw the battered face. "Had some fun?"

"Mmmh not sure I'd call it fun but it was a good stress release." Saya smiled as she watched the dogs play with Jase's hand. "Apparently they like you too. They don't like Kasumi very much it seems."

"Maybe they just don't like thieves," Jase teased Kasumi and got up to lead the dogs into the shuttle. As soon as they entered Sakura seemed to be clinging more onto Kelly and Terry. Jase thought this was weird and maybe she was afraid of dogs. Terry had warned him that Sakura was also afraid of many people and was very weary of strangers. 

Jase then lead the dogs into the cockpit and turned back to look at Saya. 

"Sis.. that's painful." Jase reached out to probe her nose gently and winced in sympathy for her. "I know you've had worse. Hell, I've had worse, too. Shouldn't fuss over you," he said, but he was getting himself also confused about his feelings regarding this.

"I'll be okay, though I'm pretty sure the nose is broken." Saya winced as Jase gently dabbed at the blood still coming from it. "To be honest I'd like to be the last out of the shuttle when we land please... Kaidan's gonna shoot me..."

"He loves you." Jase knew they had a med-kit in the shuttle and he went to get her something. "Chakwas' gonna love you for it too."

"Mmmh..." Saya rested her head back against the bulkhead. "Maybe but kinda hoping you and Jeff will too. I think we managed to get him at least a year's supply."

"A year? Incredible. I... don't know how to thank you." Jase leaned in to whispers to her, "Too bad I'm not into women, you're one I'd have gone for." He chuckled a little. "I know, sister and all, would be weird dating myself. But, thank you."

Irimsaya raised the eyebrow above her right eye, the left one just too sore now.

"Uhm.. wow... thanks Jase. And you're welcome."

Jase nodded, not knowing how much better he could tell her how much he appreciated this. It meant a lot and he guessed it meant even more to Jeff.

"Alright, are we all set to leave this.. place?"

"I really hope so. Are the dogs okay??"

"Settled them into the cockpit."

Irimsaya laughed a bit.

"Joker must love you for that."

"He hadn't said a word," Jase told her, "yet. Don't even know if he likes dogs or not." He shrugged a little, knowing he'd find out soon he thought as he told the rest of their passengers to use the seatbelts.

Irimsaya nodded and closed her eyes as she felt the shuttle take off and begin it's return journey.  


Kaidan was waiting outside, sitting in the evening sun on the deck with the twins at his side and kept an eye on the sky. When he saw the shuttle approaching he stood up and shielded his eyes to welcome his family back home.

Irimsaya was good to her word and let everyone else disembark, even the dogs, before she slowly made her way off the shuttle.

Kaidan was waiting and raised his eyebrows at the dogs, he even took a step back when he saw them. "Where did you pick them up....?"

"What can I say.." Saya said as she stepped into the sunlight from the shuttle. "They needed help too."

"Hey... Mh.. I think you need a better make up artist." Kaidan pointed out. Inwardly he winced.

Irimsaya was glad he didn't seem mad.

"Yeeeah you're a funny man Kaidan. Have you seen Chakwas around?"

"She's having tea with your mother. Seriously, which wall was it this time?" He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, not really trusting the peacefulness, it surely hurt even if she didn't let it on.

"No wall... someone's fist and foot.."

"Ouch. Well, I promised you a hot bath. The kids are fed and asleep, we had a good time too."

Saya laughed a little and moaned.

"Ohhhh don't make me laugh..."

The dogs came over to her and sat by Kaidan, whining at her. 

"Can someone get them some food please? They're starving.."

Kaidan looked at the animals and thought as long as they weren't eating him it was fine.

"I'll take care of it," Jase answered. He needed a few bowls and place where they could eat. He wondered if they were clean in a house or better off outside.

"Come on boys, food!" Jase clicked, patted his upper leg and whistled a little to get their attention. "Come!" He pointed at the very dark one, "You'll be called Pepper. As for you, ask my sister."

Kaidan's gaze was back on Saya's face. 

"Ares. I've always liked the name." Saya smiled and winced. "Okay, really need to get this broken nose fixed."

"Mhh," Kaidan mused, "Ares and Pepper. Anyway, why don't you go ahead and get your cute broken Nose fixed while I take the babies inside and let your mom watch over them. I'll run your bath and you join me upstairs?" Kaidan caught his hand just in time as he wanted to touch the broken nose. Not just red or purple or black, no. Broken.

Irimsaya looked at him when he grabbed her hand and watched with her good eye as his finger gently touched the bloody and broken lump on her face which was her nose.

"I've had a lot worse Kaidan."

Kaidan sighed softly and nodded. Then he laughed a little. "Yes. I'll start with the luxury of your bath. I think after today you deserve it." Kaidan picked up Hilary to bring her inside, knowing Saya was taking David then. Later he wanted to ask her what she had done. Maybe then he'd get an answer, he doubted it was anything classified.

Jase was fishing around in the fridge to find some food for the two dogs. He got them two hard boiled eggs and chopped some raw meat. Maybe some crackers would be good too, he thought, as he scratched his head, trying to remember what his Pepper usually had. Dry bread. A fruit sometimes. Not good food for a dog but Pepper had lived after all. Or a sausage now and then. 

Both dogs woofed impatiently at Jase, sensing an impending meal.

Irimsaya put David into the bed with his sister once they were inside then went in search of Chakwas, finding her in the kitchen with Hannah.

"Uhm... hi mom... can I borrow Dr. Chakwas for a bit?"

Hannah looked at her good for a bit and nodded. "Of course, I even insist." 

"I wouldn't have it any different, Captain. I'm just glad I'm here to help you." Chakwas told her. It was like old times, nearly.

Irimsaya followed Chakwas to the little room she had set up.

"Wow you've been busy here huh?"

"I might not like the geth, but I can honestly say yours has been a great help to create this room. It might be smaller than the med-bay on the Normandy, but it has everything I need. Please sit down, Captain." She patted the bed and turned on the lamp to have a better look. "Any headaches? Or anything else?"

"Let's see... I can't breathe, my nose feels like it's on fire, I can't see out of my left eye, and yes, I have the most killer headache at the moment."

Chakwas gave her a smile, the other was rather obvious and the swelling around her eye needed some serious cooling as well. While she felt sympathy for anyone who was hurt, Chakwas was kind glad to be needed now. Being able to tend a person gave her some sense of satisfaction. Some time later Chakwas released her with a smile and a painkiller and told her to come and see her again on the next morning. Or if needed, she could come and ask for her anytime.

Irimsaya thanked her friend profusely for her aid then went upstairs in search of Kaidan and the promised bath.

Chakwas left the room and watched her walking across the floor towards the stairs. The painkillers she had given her should help with the headache.

Kaidan was testing the water, but before he let it in he sniffed the various bubble bath bottles which were in the house. After going through about six bottles he settled with one that smelled relaxing. He poured some of it into the tub and when he heard the door to their bedroom going, he turned on the water.

Saya followed the noise of the running water, feeling the painkiller starting to help with her headache.

"Kaidan?"

"In here!" He answered while bringing some towels and laid them on the chair he had placed close to the tub.

Entering the bathroom, Irimsaya smiled at all the work he'd obviously put into this.

"Wow... uh hey... you didn't have to do all this.." But there was nothing except appreciation in her voice.

Kaidan chuckled softly. "I promised you a bath and I'm pretty sure you're having a headache too. We never had the luxury of having a tub on the Normandy," he told her as he helped her getting out of her clothes.

"Mmmh yes one of the few luxuries we were lacking.."

Kaidan kissed her bare shoulder, too bad he didn't have any chocolate as any alcohol was not a good idea right now, knowing she probably had gotten a pill or two.

Irimsaya sighed softly in pleasure as he kissed her shoulder then again as she sank down into the hot water. It felt so good.

Kaidan hummed softly and saw another few bruises, he took the cloth and gently washed her arms and back. At some point later, when exactly he didn't know anymore, Kaidan got undressed and joined her in the tub. It was big enough for two people and it felt really nice. A shower was fast and was cleaning nicely, but a bath was something to enjoy. As Saya was very tired after the bath Kaidan helped her into bed and cuddled with her. When she was asleep he carefully left the bed to bring the twins upstairs. And then Kaidan fell into his bed as well, worn out from the day and all the gardening he had done.  


About a week later Jase was looking at the first house. Having Terry there with him was a great help and the three men had managed to install another bathroom on the first floor. Each floor had its own bathroom now and Jase decided to use a room at the entry for an adult. In case a child was getting bold and wanted to leave the house at night. He knew he had tried. And having someone there to watch the door and listen to the sounds in the house was important. Girls would be on the first floor, boys on the second. The idea to make it a girls only house was good and also bad. If they mixed them up a little, it was easier for the kids to learn respect for the other gender, among other important behavior.

The first house he wanted to have for the elderly former owners who were supposed to return soon. They had built a bed out of wood, had managed to find some mattresses for them. Energy and water was installed and Kaidan's garden had started to show some tiny plants.

The next morning, Jase had come back from a round of swimming and he was kneeling on all fours, watching the newly growing plants with interest. Next to him was Pepper and Jase felt glad the dog was accepting him as his owner. Or something. But these growing tiny plants were interesting.

Ares sauntered over and sat next to Pepper with a small woof then watched Jase with curiousity. Kaidan was right behind Ares.

"I hope you two approve." Humour was colouring his voice.

Jase got up onto his feet and grinned at him. "Yeah. That's interesting."

Pepper glanced slyly at Ares then suddenly the two dogs were barking at each other and playing, rolling around in the grass. Kaidan watched them in amusement before returning his attention to Jase.

"Plants are interesting? Maybe I should get you growing your own then.."

Jase chuckled, "Nah, thanks," he scratched his head, looking at the dogs, "not sure. It's just. Interesting." He shrugged a little.

"I don't mind you know that right?"

Jase nodded and looked down at them. "You're right. When you're going back to work, I can take care of your garden."

Kaidan rubbed his forehead.

"Yeeah have you talked to Saya about that yet? Nobody's contacted her to see if she still wants the Normandy."

Jase narrowed his eyes in thought. "No. Yes and no. God dammit." Jase was getting angry and stuffed his hands into the short's pockets. "I've gotta make a call," he told Kaidan and went inside to the terminal in the house. But then he thought of it and transferred it to the desk in their bedroom where he waited for Anderson to reply.

Jase was pacing the space in front of his desk, waiting for Anderson to appear on the screen. When he finally did he had to restrain himself from yelling at the man. Instead he started with being friendly.

"Commander? How can I help you?"

"Sir, thanks for... replying. It's about my sister."

"What about her?" Anderson asked wearily, sensing something was up.

"You know what I want. Make her Captain of the Normandy."

"Shepard, we already discussed this. The admiral board, we all want **you** back."

"You won't get me," Jase stated and leaned back to cross his arms.

Anderson sighed, "Get your act together and come back to active duty."

"It's not that easy."

"It is. I can forward you names of .."

"Sir. With all due respect. Aren't you or the other admirals getting it? You're insulting my sister with this behavior! And by doing this you're insulting **ME** , too! We _are_ one and the same person. All of you had your chance years ago after she had died. None of you wanted me. And now, all of the sudden because I saved your fucking galaxy, you want me?!"

"Shepard, calm down...,"

"WHAT!?! You won't accept the truth! You refuse to see it! You just see me, but nothing of my past! You all just act and say, yeah you have to move on. Damn it Anderson, I'm the last one of the entire human race of a galaxy! As long as the Reapers were out there I pushed forward, not dealing with it! Now's the time for that. You WANT Captain Shepard on the Normandy." Jase nearly growled out as he rested his hands next to the terminal, staring Anderson down. 

"And not someone who can't sleep at night and is damaged goods. The other Shepard is healthy. She's the best you can get. She's better than I am, motivated and wants to do her job. You and me both know there's no one else and you NEED good people. You need HER!"

"Commander.. Shepard, I can't promise..."

"You can. And you will. If you don't I'll go public."

"Commander, you wouldn't..."

"You know damn well I would. It's as simple as it sounds. I might get from you a few creds per month and supplies... My Anderson wouldn't have kicked me in the balls when I needed him most. And Saya needs you right now. Help her and you're helping me."

Anderson was silent for a while but then he needed eventually. "I'll see what I can do. Shepard, get help, son."

"I will, Admiral. Thank you, sir."  


Jase stood there for a while frozen in place, watching his hands. It was weird how they always flashed in cold and hot waves, as if a lot energy was rushing through them and his body. Mostly it happened when he felt upset about something. The first time he had noticed this was when he had been 15 and talking to that hooker woman. Jase sighed, dropped his head and closed his eyes. Everyone was kind of working for him, creating his dream for him and this shelter.....

Jase's head snapped up and he opened his eyes, realizing he'd nearly fallen asleep right there. The urge to go somewhere dark and curl up in a corner was something appealing and his thoughts drifted to a dark corner and his eyes fell on the spot under the desk. It was dark down there. Maybe he was partly a dog, or a bit like Jack. Safety, was the word that came to mind.

His eyes closed once again, drifting off in thoughts and then he shook himself out of it again. That talk with Anderson had taken a lot out of him. As his eyes closed for a third time he decided enough was enough and that he had to move. He left the bedroom as everything was just too bright. A dark place really felt appealing now. Something warm, soft, safe, a narrow space hidden away. Like the shuttle. 

Jase silently walked to Pepper and clicked with this tongue and the dog followed him. On the way he took a few cushions with him and the light blanket lying on one of the deck chairs. Once inside he locked down the shuttle and went into the cockpit, threw the cushions onto the floor in the corner and settled down there with Pepper curling up next to him. Jase's arm sneaked around the dog. As he fell asleep he grinned a little to himself. It felt like being a 13 year old boy again.  


Irimsaya wandered the house, frowning to herself. Her face still quite colourful from her encounter a week ago. Her frown deepened when she saw Joker with confusion on his face.

"Joker? What is it?"

"I can't find Jase anywhere... I'm a little worried.."

"Relax, I'm sure he hasn't gone far."

"But I've looked everywhere!"

"Joker!"

"Yeah?"

"Relax."

"Yes ma'am."

"Hey," Kaidan joined them, seeing the weird look on Joker's face. "What's going on?"

"Joker can't find Jase, Kaidan. Have you seen him anywhere?"

Kaidan thought for a second. He had been working in his garden when Jase had passed by him. 

"I saw him coming out of the house with Pepper in the morning." Kaidan frowned, trying to remember which way he had gone to. "I think they took the path towards the landing pad. You know, I haven't seen Pepper either." 

Ares barked at Kaidan, understanding Pepper's name.

"Sounds like Ares may be able to help with that..." Irimsaya said softly, watching her new friend.

"Can Ares track them down? You know I'm not really a dog person. I'd rather go for a cat myself." Kaidan was thinking then, "Maybe they've gone for a walk. Joker have you tried to comm him?"

"Yeah and no answer." Joker said, eying Ares.

Ares barked again and trotted off towards the landing pad.

Kaidan looked at Saya as the dog trotted away and he nodded. He followed the animal which went straight to the shuttle and was barking and scratching at the door. Inside was Pepper, barking away now too.

Irimsaya smiled a bit.

"I think we just found our missing persons." She played with the controls and the door slid open. As soon as the door was aside, Pepper jumped out and started playing with Ares.

Kaidan stepped aside as the two dogs started to go wild and he let Joker and Saya go inside first while he stayed at the door.

Jase was still asleep, having taken hold of a pillow to hug it to his chest. He was laying on his side, curled up in the corner, blanket loosely draped around his hips and legs.

Irimsaya glanced at Joker, knowing there was no way the man could get down to Jase to wake him. Once she received the nod from Jeff, Saya knelt down and put a gentle hand on Jase's shoulder.

"Jase?" Saya called his name very softly, not wanting to scare him. "Jase?"

Jase's eyes snapped open, being on alert right away for a second or two. The more dumbfounded he looked when he saw Saya and Jeff in the background. For a moment he felt like biting, wanting to defend his place there. 

Jase sat up, rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Sorry," he muttered behind his hand.

"Jeff was worried when he couldn't find you - are you alright??"

Jase rubbed his face several times and the eyes again, studying Jeff first and then Saya. His eyes were back on Jeff when he gave his answer.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Then his eyes closed on their own again before they snapped open to focus back on Jeff. "I'm sorry." 

Jeff was probably scared and a little angry, Jase figured. But the urge to go somewhere, to a place like this, a shuttle after all, Jeff's shuttle. When he inhaled the air he could detect the faint scent of his beloved husband. Maybe not now, it smelled more after him now and the dog, but it was Jeff's and this corner was so familiar. Perhaps he wasn't really made for huge rooms, perhaps he needed something small, like a womb or even a baby bed. Small, comforting. Warm and dark, like a whispered embrace. That probably was it. He had always slept in small spaces, small beds, corners, bunks. Back to the wall, if a lover was present their bodies had been pressed against each other in the narrow space. But it had been nice, comforting. Body contact was important, something he cherished, if it came from the right person. Jase rolled his shoulders and his neck cracked a bit and the muscles felt a little bit stiff. And then it happened again, eyes closing on their own. 

Irimsaya just smiled gently.

"If you're that tired let's get you to bed okay?"

Jase looked at her bleary eyed and nodded. Bed. Okay. 

"Yeah. Sure." Jase stood up and his back cracked as he picked up the cushions and blanket. He thought he was getting old. Or the shuttle floor wasn't as good a place as he had believed. But, the dog was missing.

"Where's Pepper?"

Irimsaya giggled a little as she stood up with him.

"Next time if I were you I'd take both of them. They're outside playing - again..."

"At least they aren't alone."

Jase wanted to say this place was good for sleeping, but maybe Jeff would feel offended or hurt. He didn't want that. Surely Jeff must be confused enough by now by Jase's weird behavior today and he didn't know how to explain that really to him. One part of his mind told him to get a grip and stop acting like a baby. The other part spat back that he had needed it. And there was that feeling again, being ashamed of himself and his past, for being so god damn needy of cuddles and love and feeling cared for and safe. He wanted to crash into a pile of cushions, falling into them like a baby, knowing someone would caress his belly, chest and face where he could smile and just enjoy. It was scary.

Hannah had been right though. The warning was coming forth in his mind, hearing her voice. He had done it again, had taken care of the others, took on their little problems and just had been there. Maybe he should stop jogging every morning with Miranda. But he had done it in the hope to sleep better at nights.

Jase hadn't realized they were already upstairs by the time he thought of his sister. Saya had promised to help him sort the mess, he mused, as he looked at her for a second. She was a Shepard. Which was weird now. He knew she was. But the importance of it had never really crossed his mind as it did at this moment. A Shepard was helping others with their problems. Jase squinted at her a little as they entered their bedroom. She was doing what she always did, what they always did, to help. Yes, she was a Shepard, after all.

"Why are you staring at me Jase?"

Jase thought for a second he was looking into a mirror of his own soul and he knew he was right.

"You're a Shepard. You help people." He stated, hoping he wasn't coming across like a complete freak.

Irimsaya's eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into her hair.

"Okay you really *really* need to get some sleep..."

Jase nodded. He wanted to tell her he hadn't had any good sleep since... some time, he couldn't even remember when and why it suddenly had caught up with him so bad was like a riddle at the moment. Only he had spoken to Anderson. 

Anderson. 

He'd sleep. And Miranda would probably wait for him in the morning but he might not go jogging with her. He yawned again when he wanted to tell Saya maybe she would like to go jogging with her, but instead he sat down on his side of the bed and slipped out of his shoes. His shirt went off, someone was helping him with it and then he decided to get rid of his shorts too. As soon as he had laid down in their bed Jase turned over to Jeff's side and grabbed his cushion to hug it to his chest, inhaling the scent of his lover and whispered something that sounded like, "God Jeff, love you so much." 

Kaidan was standing at the bedroom door, watching his wife and Joker.

Joker stared at his husband then glanced at Saya.

"Saya if you don't mind I think we're going to spend the day in bed."

"I don't mind at all - take good care of him Jeff and I'll check on you when we're doing meals."

"I appreciate it."

"Anytime."

Irimsaya left the bedroom and met up with Kaidan just outside, closing the door behind her and knowing Joker was probably already in bed with Jase.

Kaidan looked at her and knew whatever it was, he was glad Saya hadn't gone to the Citadel. It might be selfish he thought, but he was darn glad they had the babies.

"What is it Kaidan?" Saya asked, seeing he had something on his mind.

"Mmh," Kaidan wondered if he should say it or not. "I'm not sure if I want to say it... or not."

Irimsaya frowned at him.

"What do you mean? Is something wrong? Has something happened?"

"No, nothing has happened. I'm just.. glad it wasn't you going to London and the Citadel. Thinking like this might be wrong but you as my wife, I don't know. I'm just .. glad.. that you aren't suffering like Jase."

Irimsaya kissed him gently.

"Thanks for telling me."

Kaidan smiled a little and nodded then. "You know, we haven't been at the beach for a while, how about we take the babies and just enjoy ourselves for the rest of the day?"

"Mmmmh that sounds like a wonderful idea."

Kaidan smiled, really looking forward to this now and got everything done. He packed the suncream, towels, baby towels and a few cushions, added some snacks and water and the dogs looked interested too.

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows as she saw him join her on the deck with everything.

"Well when you pack for a day you pack for a day..."

Kaidan shrugged, "I could use the workout but honestly, I don't feel like rushing back and forth between the house and you and the babies." He grinned at her, taking David into his arms.

David cooed eagerly as Kaidan picked him up, Hilary echoed his coo as Saya picked her up.

"I think these two have preferences..." Saya said, smiling at her little girl.

Ares and Pepper bounded around the family eagerly as if knowing that an outing was going to happen and they didn't want to miss out.

Kaidan laughed softly, watching where the dogs were running and playing. "I can't wait until they talk and run around. The dogs won't bite them?"

"They haven't yet. If anything the pair of them seem very protective of these two."

"I hope it won't change," Kaidan replied thoughtfully, feeling protective of the babies. "Maybe it's just because I've never had a lot of contact to dogs or other animals."

"I always wanted one growing up but with being raised on ships we weren't allowed.."

"Mmh," Kaidan grinned, "and now we have two and our babies can grow up with them."

"Yes." Saya grinned. "Yes they can."

Kaidan smiled at her and once they reached the beach he carefully got the blankets out for Saya to sit down. He laughed as the dogs raced along the beach, paws in the water already and were making him a little wet. 

"They really love it here!" 

It made him think of the Citadel and he remembered having some piece of news.

"Have you heard the news from the Citadel? They brought down a criminal gang, selling meds and other goods for a lot of cred. They got busted last week, just when you and Jase happened to be on the Citadel."

Irimsaya grinned at him.

"Glad to hear it, thanks for telling me."

"Mmh, yes. Glad I could tell you." Kaidan grinned back. "Must have been some modern Robin Hood doing it, or maybe it was someone called, uh, Shepard. I think that was the name, I heard it somewhere."

"Shush! If anyone figures out I was there then... well... I'd probably end up where they are."

Kaidan kissed her gently, "I'm sure I heard it wrong." Then he kissed her again.

Irimsaya groaned into his kiss.

"If you had something more in mind we should've stayed at the house..."

Kaidan grinned, knwoing he'd save that up for later. He was just enjoying being alone with her and their little family.

Irimsaya gasped when she was suddenly drenched. Ares had decided to go swimming after all... then come right to her.

Kaidan laughed, "That's what a wet dog's looking like!" He quickly shielded Hilary a little from all the water.

Ares sat down looking pleased with himself and panting, wearing what looked like a grin.

"Eeesh... I know I said I didn't mind if we swam but this...." Saya looked at Kaidan's face and saw he was struggling not to laugh at her appearance. "Laugh it up. You'll be next if I know Pepper."

Kaidan laughed then really and got David into a better hiding spot, in case Pepper did the same. "Pepper's like Jase's dog. If he does it, we need to complain to his owner."

Pepper trotted over to them and barked gently, cocking his head at them.

"I think he's asking for something - did you bring any treats for them?" Saya asked her husband gently.

"Uuh... crackers? I haven't thought of bringing treats." Kaidan fished one out and tossed it to the dog, hoping he won't end up wet then.

Pepper grabbed the cracker in his mouth before it even hit the ground.

"Well apparently he'll eat anything.." Saya commented.

Kaidan grinned and shrugged at her, not having gotten wet. He felt like having scoured a little victory. "Aren't dogs eating anything they come across?"

Irimsaya chuckled at that.

"Sometimes, I guess."

Kaidan fell silent and played a little with David, as best as he could with such a small child. He held him up in the air, tickled his belly amongst a few other things. While doing this he also thought he had a lot to learn about dogs too. Not just babies, but that came naturally now with them. Maybe he wasn't as connected as Saya to the dogs, he had more luck with growing a garden. But just like Liam who made a nice addition to their family, the dogs seemed to complete them as well. He thought about Saya and the Normandy and the chat he had with Jase earlier the day until something else caught his eyes. Ares was digging around in the sand. This reminded him of seeing them digging around in the earth closer to the house..

"Can dogs eat the small plants from my garden? Would be a shame if they started to mess around with it, or play in the dirt."

"Mmmh... they might but only if they're bored. Watch." Saya whistled and Ares stopped digging and ran to her side again, sitting down. "I don't know why they listen to me but they do... it's like they know I saved their lives."

Kaidan chuckled, amazed at how good they behaved when Saya told them to. 

"Well, you've always been good with convincing people to follow you. I guess it's not much different when it comes to dogs." 

Irimsaya looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Well I did catch you didn't I..." She grinned playfully.

Kaidan laughed softly, "Hehe, yes. But you had me very nervous before we came finally together." And coming to think of it, Kaidan felt like Jase has pushed them together even more.

"I did?? Why??"

Kaidan shrugged, "You were my Commander. I couldn't just go to you and say, 'Hey Shepard, I'm interested in you, how about we date?' I.. don't think that would have worked. Not at all." 

He chuckled then. "Yes you made me nervous, I wanted to tell you how I feel but I couldn't tell if you ... Well, if you would go for someone like me."

"Kaidan, sweetie... tall, dark and handsome - any girl would go for that. Add in the charming and how good you are at reading people... well... recipe for one hell of a dessert."

Kaidan laughed softly at this. "Thanks. Well, I got what I wanted. And a whole lot more." He looked down at the babies.

Irimsaya smiled gently then looked down at Hilary in her arms.

"I can't wait to see what they'll look like when they're older.."

Kaidan hummed softly. The eyecolors were there and some of the hair told them the color too. "Hilary looks like she's taking after you. Maybe she gets your hair too. And.. I never thought babies were so cuddly."

"Hmmm just wait until the terrible two's hit. I hear that age is a nightmare.."

Kaidan nodded, right now the two were angels. "I find it hard to imagine these two could be.. two little devils," he chuckled, "but once they run around and considering they're twins, I think we'll be in for a lot of pranks maybe. Or trouble, rather."

"Especially when they figure out their biotics..."

"Aaaah yes. I think that will be very interesting and a little problematic, too."

"Problematic? How so?"

Kaidan chuckled. "Depends on how good they will be one day. We might want to hide everything which can be broken or smashed."

"Uhm that would be everything including the house..." Saya laughed.

"Uh.. well. Yes." Kaidan chuckled. "They can practice on toys and soft toys. It might help them to focus better as they wouldn't want to break a puppet, for example, or a teddy bear. Once they understand things can break."

"That's a damned good thought love.. and that's why you're going to be a great teacher for them."

Kaidan leaned over and kissed her gently. His stomach growled a little and he ate a few of the crackers. Then he wondered about something.

"Who's going to cook tonight. If Jase isn't, well, awake."

"Uh... well... I guess I can try.." Irimsaya flinched a bit.

Kaidan chuckled softly, wondering for a second why Jase actually could cook and where he had learned it, while Saya had problems with it. "Well, we can try cooking together. Or we have tea and cookies and crackers and... uh.. I don't know," he laughed, "for dinner."

Irimsaya shuddered again at the word cooking. It had never been a favourite activity of hers and then once she had gained the rank of Commander she had even less time for it.

"Let's adopt a... 'we'll see' approach sweetie and see what happens."

"I'm with you on that," Kaidan answered. Maybe they were lucky and Hannah would cook, or Dr. Chakwas. If they could cook. He doubted Liam or Miranda or any other was able to cook.

Kaidan played a little more with David, letting his biotics go on and off. 

As they went back to the house Kaidan thought he had to look after his garden one more time before they'd do dinner.

Irimsaya followed Kaidan back to the house, still holding Hilary who was now dozing lightly in her mother's arms. Both dogs were running for the house as fast as they could as if racing each other.

"Are they friends or like siblings, what do you think?" Kaidan commented while watching the dogs racing off.

"I would say friends... but I'm guessing they must have grown up with each other.. maybe lived next door to each other or something."

"Mhh," Kaidan hummed softly, "it would make sense. Either way, they're inseparable just like we are." Kaidan smiled at her as they stepped into the house. It seemed silent inside and Kaidan figured it was really up to them to cook some dinner.

"Too bad we can't order takeout or something."

"Hmmm yeah... well we don't have much in supplies right now anyway. I can see about getting some tomorrow when what few shops are left open up."

Kaidan nodded, he had wanted to go to town with Saya anyway, but had figured the beach was a better option. "I would join you, maybe I can find something useful for the garden. Or other things."

Kaidan placed David into the bed and put the baby bag next to it, then he went to take a look into their fridge. He opened it and peered inside.

"Well, there are some leftovers from today's breakfast. I'd go for a nice steak myself but," he shrugged, "I guess sandwiches will be fine too."

"Mmmh well the only way to get supplies fast enough for dinner is to use the shuttle and I've been informed Joker's the only one allowed to pilot it." Saya grinned.

Kaidan chuckled. "I'm sure about that. Well, it should just be enough, we won't have to starve. I guess I can manage to do us some boiled eggs." Kaidan shrugged again. 

Irimsaya rubbed her face.

"Great but what about the dogs..."

"Uh, I don't know, there's no dog food available for them?" Kaidan closed the fridge, boiling eggs sounded easy. Just putting them into hot water wasn't a lot of work. He fished for a pot he could use, filled it up with water, put it onto the stove and slipped one egg after the other into it.

"I'd have to ask Jase or Jeff - I have no clue."

Kaidan watched her with worry for a second then turned his attention back to those eggs. "I guess we really should get some hens to have more eggs, but it wouldn't help us with meat. You mean one of the two were feeding the dogs?"

"I think so yes."

Kaidan hummed softly as the water started to boil. A bit later he frowned at the eggs, one by one was bursting a little. Kaidan hoped they wouldn't fall apart and kept staring into the pot. Maybe he could put a stasis bubble around every egg, maybe that would help. He didn't want to spoil the food. He glanced at Saya for a moment in the hope she wouldn't notice. Perhaps he should have fried the eggs, but then who was to say that he wouldn't burn them? Sadly, the eggs weren't behaving and burst even more. The white was coming out now and they looked like they were exploding in slow motion.

Irimsaya turned from the babies to look at her husband.

"Everything okay over there?"

Kaidan turned off the stove and carefully pushed the pot away from the heat. He couldn't possibly force the white back into the shell.

"I, uh, think the bread and the eggs will compliment each other," Kaidan grimaced at her. "Well, I should rather stick to my biotics and the garden and leave the stove up to Jase."

Irimsaya covered her mouth to hide her grin.

"I'll go borrow Jeff's shuttle and run to the closest market to get some stuff."

Kaidan nodded, this was the best they could do. "I'm coming with you. We are coming with you." Kaidan nodded towards the twins, and if they were lucky, they could get some dog food as well. Coming to think of it, they were also the hamster and the fish to feed. "I guess we can feel lucky that geth don't need any special food." Kaidan commented.

"That we know of." Irimsaya giggled a little bit. "I mean how much do we really know about them after all...." She teased him.

Kaidan was looking thoughtful at first but then he saw the grin on her face. 

"Aah, okay okay! You nearly got me there," he laughed but then he spotted Jase standing in the door. He wasn't sure what to think about thim. The man didn't look really healthy or maybe it was his soul, Kaidan wasn't sure about that, but once more he was glad it hadn't been Saya. Or maybe there was more to it than he thought. "Oh, hey."

"Kaidan," Jase breathed out softly and he nearly groaned at himself a little, it sounded so... Anyway. Jase looked at Saya, he just had wanted to get some water and go back to sleep. He had slept since noon.

Irimsaya turned and stared at Jase, unnerved by the way he said Kaidan's name.

"Jase... you alright? Kaidan and I are going to borrow the shuttle and get some supplies... we don't have much food for us or the animals."

Of course, he had forgotten about the fact that they had wanted to get some supplies, or rather his sleepless nights had gotten between that. Right. And was he alright? Was he? No, judging by the dreams he always had and claiming he couldn't remember most of them, but in fact he actually did. He scratched his head a little. Kaidan was still there, watching, but Saya was his focus, wanting to tell her about the dream he had just woken up to. That this had been the reason why he had said Kaidan's name the way it had come out.

"Ah. I can watch the twins," he offered, instead of answering the question directly. "Maybe we can talk a bit later?"

Irimsaya frowned at him then nodded slowly.

"I'm sure they'd love having their favourite uncle watch over them."

Jase nodded, but the frown on her face let him know she wanted an answer. If Kaidan wanted to hear it too, fine. Whatever. He didn't really care anymore and sighed. 

"Bad dream. Was on a mission with Kaidan and Liara. They vanished together with all the people of the town. Streets were empty. No one was there. Then Kaidan called me from somewhere, we joined up. Said he had found Liara, she was alive. Kaidan took off his helmet, he was half a husk, Liara came and joined us. As a banshee. Woke up when she was killing me."

Kaidan went pale and looked ill.

Irimsaya went to her brother and wrapped him in a tight, comforting hug.

"Sssshhhh it's okay. Everyone's safe alright? Nobody's a husk or a banshee and I won't let anyone hurt you."

Jase nodded and chuckled a very little in the embrace, knowing she'd give them hell. "They wouldn't get past you," he sighed, relaxing in her embrace. "Okay, the babies and I, we'll be fine here."

"Are you sure Jase? You're still trembling.."

"Yes. We need food." Jase hadn't even noticed. He yawned a little and rubbed her back. "We'll be fine."

Irimsaya pulled back gently and watched him for a minute, studying his face.

"Alright - but if you need *anything* you comms us or so help me I'll find my pistol..."

Jase looked back at her with tired eyes and nodded eventually. He wouldn't endanger the twins anyway. "I will. I could.. kill for a chocolate ice."

"I'll see what we can find. And be warned - Ares and Pepper are extremely playful today."

Jase nodded, wondering where the dogs are right now. "Thanks for the warning." And the ice, well, he could be lucky if they found anything that resembled an ice.

Irimsaya kissed his cheek gently then led Kaidan out to the shuttle.

Jase watched them leave and sat down for a few minutes, enjoying the silence in the kitchen. Then he peered into the baby's bed to see what the twins were doing. Satisfied they were asleep, he went to see what in the pot on the stove was. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of the.. tortured eggs. With a sigh he fished them out and peeled them, cut them in halves as best as he could and place them onto a plate which ended up in the fridge for the moment. Then he got out a raw egg, put the egg yolk into a bowl and the rest of the egg wandered back into the fridge. 

Jase sighed a little as he got the oil, knowing the egg yolk was too cold right now but what else could he do. He whipped it up anyway and warmed the bowl a little with his hands before he started the process of making mayonnaise by adding only a single drop of the oil at first. 

Half an hour later he had produced a nice amount of fresh mayonnaise and finished it by adding salt and pepper, together with cold boiled water and some lemon juice. Jase took a clean spoon and dipped it into the bowl to taste it. 

"Some more lemon juice," he commented and added a spoon of it, whipped it up again and this time, he was satisfied. He scratched his head and yawned, then he rubbed his tired eyes as he went back to the twin's bed and sat down on closest chair. Face supported by one hand, his eyes closed again, falling into a light slumber while listening to the noises of the house.  


Irimsaya piloted them to the nearest town's landing area and set the shuttle down.

"Alright, let's get this done as quick as we can Kaidan, I already miss the twins." She smiled ruefully.

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan chuckled softly and nodded as he felt the same way. By now he was sure if they ever went back to the Normandy, he wanted to take the children with him. Aside of this thought, he felt a little troubled by the dream Jase had been having. Him having become a husk. 

Kaidan wondered how Joker was dealing with all of this and if it had been Saya, how he himself would be dealing with the aftermath and how he would have to help her. Kaidan was thinking so hard about this, he felt a headache settling in at the back of his head when they reached the store. He took the basket and looked at his wife, wearing a frown on his face, wondering if their babies were really fine with Jase or if the man would... .

"Saya... are the babies safe with Jase? I mean, I thought he was over it and fine. And now, suddenly today, he seems to be crashing, looking tired and tells us about a dream he had? Well, rather a nightmare but I think you know what I mean."

"I wouldn't have left them with him if I didn't trust him. Mom, Miranda, Joker, Liam are all there and I'm sure they'll watch over things too. I'm not worried Kaidan. He needs to feel our trust."

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry I even questioned him. You're right." Kaidan said softly and put a few eggs and then milk into the basket. "What else do we need?"

"Vegetables and meat. And something for the dogs."

Kaidan nodded, he had nearly forgotten about the dogs. The meat section hadn't a lot to offer and he took what he could. Kaidan looked then at Saya as she was walking towards the vegetables.

"You know, I found a guide on the extranet on how to extract seeds from tomatoes."

"Good. Maybe we can make that work on peppers and other things that have seeds in them."

"Yes," Kaidan agreed, "it would be good." And maybe he had to create a few other garden beds and judging by the weather on Hawaii, he figured he should be able to grow a lot of vegetables. With the help of Jase he would be able to grow a _lot_ of plants. Once Kaidan had spotted the dog food he took two packages of it and added it to their basket.

"Are we ready then?"

"Oh wait, didn't he want some ice cream?" Kaidan went to see what they had to offer. Well, looked like icecream itself was out but he found a normal ice and placed it into the cooling bag.

"I think we're done." He looked at her worried, knowing she was missing the babies already, but Saya seemed to be distracted as well. Kaidan took her hand and squeezed it gently, figuring it was what she needed.

Saya smiled at him.

"Thanks, I needed that.."

Kaidan nodded and gave her a smile. He kept holding her hand until they had to pay and of course Saya had to pilot the shuttle back home. If he hadn't bought that ice for Jase he would have suggested a little tour over the island.

Irimsaya brought them into the landing pad at the house and then helped Kaidan take the groceries inside.

Jase heard the footsteps and rubbed his eyes, yawning a little. They were back home. He stood up and gave them a hand to put everything away. 

Something was off, Saya was very silent. Jase hoped the Alliance hadn't sent her another bad news, after the talk he had with Anderson he really thought they should see reason and get her back onto her ship. Jase took the dog food and filled the bowl, whistling for the dogs while he did. The two furballs came running, knowing they were about to get some food. Jase placed it down and studied Saya and Kaidan a little more.

"You two okay?"

"Hmm yes we're fine. We got you some ice - but the supplies are short already."

Jase nodded, eying what they had gotten and it was going to be hard to feed all of them with this.

"Thanks, want a bite? You can take it first." Jase unwrapped the ice.

Jase figured maybe he could catch some fish. Or the trees would have some fruits but the supply packages from the Alliance weren't due for another week.

"Hey," Kaidan spoke up, "it might not work, but leave me a few potatoes, four, maybe five and I'll plant them. Maybe we can get them to grow and can get more of them. I just need some help, the garden will be too small with the amount of food we'll need."

Jase nodded, if only they could make their own flour, he could do a lot more with it then too. How easy it had been just a year ago, no one had to fear to run out of food at that time.

"You'll get help don't worry Kaidan. None of us is alone in this." Saya eyed Jase when she said the last sentence.

"No, we're in this together," Kaidan agreed with her.

Jase caught the glance and looked at her. He didn't nod nor agree but he was thinking about it. 

"Have a bite," Jase held the ice up for her, watching her face. He found it was only fair to share.

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"That's okay, but thanks for the offer Jase, I do appreciate it."

Jase nodded, and bit into it. The moment he tasted it he closed his eyes and nearly groaned. God, it tasted good. "Changed the babies just before you came back home. There's fresh mayonnaise in the fridge and the boiled eggs...." He wanted to tell them how to do real eggs, but whoever had tried it had.. well.. tried it and...

_burp_

"Pepper!" Jase glared at Pepper when he burped from eating the food. Jase shook his head, he was a dog. At least he hadn't farted.

A glance at the fresh tomatoes made him wonder if he could create some pasta. 

"Kaidan?" Jase frowned when Kaidan walked to them and took a tomato away.

"Ah, I need one, I'll try to create some seeds from it and have us growing our own," he explained as he was starting to cut off the flesh and put the seeds into a glass. "You can still use this, I just need the seeds, put some water on them and wait until it starts going mouldy."

"And you're sure it's working like that? Doesn't it go bad then," Jase mused.

"No, I looked it up on the extranet. Once there's some white mould on it, we remove it, fill it up with water again, we're mixing it a bit and the seeds separate from the other .. uh flesh, or something. Then I can use the seeds."

Jase looked at him, not sure if that would be working, so he shrugged. "Alright."

Well, now he had a chopped tomato on his hands already and he couldn't use all. They needed to stretch it. Mind made up, Jase went to get the flour, an egg, salt, oil and started to make pasta. He sighed a little, knowing he should let it dry first but it could work like this too. Cook it, then fry it in the pan, fry the onions and chopped tomatoes with a bit of meat in a different pan. Dinner done.

While working on the pasta dough, Jase kept thinking about his world, this world here, Anderson, Saya, their future. And still his thoughts were drawn back to his old world. Starting with the Alliance, meeting Kaidan. That just had happened more than five years ago and the man had been having a good influence on him, he liked to think he had. 

Had kind of tamed him a little, made him see things differently and to be more considerate. Up until then he had been mostly on his own and with Kaidan he had started to think that humans weren't supposed to live all alone. Now he had a family who were there for him and still he had that habit to do things on his own. 

Jase was wracking his brain trying to figure out what his Joker had been like, he barely remembered that one chat he had, telling Joker off and that they should behave, getting a 'yes sir' from them. That he had to deal with Anderson now cause Joker had made the man angry. If he had known it would be the last time, if he had known about the beacon, if he had known. If just he had known. He felt like crying but pushed it down, the moisture retreating back to where it had come from.

The dough was done and he let it rest, working on the tomatoes, onions and meat. There was the background noise of Kaidan and Saya talking to the babies. He should talk more to Saya and Jeff. Talk to Kelly to see if she had any help to offer. She probably had and now he trusted her, with Cerberus gone there was trust.

Irimsaya glanced over at her brother and frowned at the look on his face. He looked.. well there was no word to describe it.

"You seem to be deep in thought over there Jase, watch you don't burn what you're cooking."

"Got it. I'm.. thinking," Jase told her, wondering if he should make spaghetti or rather use the meat tomato onion combination as filling. Which might be best, he could use a glass to cut out the pastry. Jase went ahead and started with this option. 

"What're you making anyway?" Saya asked, curiousity in her voice and eyes.

Jase was thinking of a name for it as he cut out little round flat dough pieces and put a spoon of the filling in the middle of it. But he didn't know it, he just knew he could make a lot from it, starting with spaghetti over to these filled things. The water was starting to boil for them and he hurried to close them up.

"I just know it tastes good and is probably italian. Mrs. Demilio taught me how to do it."

Irimsaya nodded then sat at the table.

"Smells delicious though."

Jase nodded, someone was hungry obviously. He kept making them until the very last of dough was gone and one by one they went into the water. Once they were swimming on the top he fished them out, placed them on a towel and was cooking the others. The rest of the oil in the pan was being used up now too, he placed the freshly cooked half moons into it and let them go a bit brown on both sides before he placed them onto plates.

"There you go." Now he was curious to hear what she had to say about them.

Irimsaya picked one up and sighed softly in delight as she bit into it.

"Wonderful Jase, simply wonderful."

"Thanks." It was a cheap dinner, didn't take long to make and not a lot ingredients were needed as well. Of course the delicious smell of his cooking drew in more hungry people. Jase saved Jeff and himself their dinner and served the family the others.

Once they were all eating Jase excused himself, taking the two plates with him, together with the bottle of water he originally had wanted to get and was heading towards the stairs where he saw Jeff. Who was slowly making his way downstairs to see where his mate was.

"Hey handsome."

Jeff smiled a bit.

"I smelled food...."

"Yeah," hands full, Jase couldn't do anything else aside of shrugging a little, "guess I'm the only one who can cook." He paused, looking at him. Then he added with a soft sigh, "I'm sorry."

Joker shrugged.

"For what??"

"Letting you wait. And," he looked down to add softly, "being like that. Where would you like to eat?"

"Wherever you would be the most comfortable."

Jase was glad Jeff hadn't been walking down all those stairs as he went to him. "Upstairs, please. In our bedroom."

Joker sighed and turned around. He felt like he'd spent a tonne of time in there already but this was for his husband.

"Jeff look, if you want to join to the others, just tell me. It's fine."

"No no I said wherever you want to go and I meant it."

"Okay," Jase replied softly and walked the stairs after him, noting once again how sexy the backside of his husband was. He was getting a nice view and grinned a little.

Joker went to their bedroom and sat on the bed... again.

Jase could tell Jeff was a bit annoyed as he handed him his plate. He watched him a little and then went over to his own side and sat down, eating two pieces before he placed the plate with the rest onto his nightstand. He thought about his Jeff, the other Joker and if he had a sister too. If she had been on Triptee too and if the Reapers had moved the Citadel as well? And if... God. Tali. Fist. Wrex. Liara. Tuchanka. The Collectors, the human Reaper. Legion? Would he have followed him? No, he guessed. Maybe the geth had survived after all, perhaps only the heretics or maybe the rest of them had followed. And maybe, on Eden Prime, Javik was still buried under all that earth, waiting to come out of his stasis.

Joker sighed as he ate, wondering why Jase wanted to be in here with him if he wasn't even going to talk.

Jase sighed and rubbed his face. Who knew what else was different over there now. In a way, he should make it public, let the human race know of the other reality's fate, sharing the sadness and grief with the galaxy. Letting them know they had made the right decisions most of the time and that it had been worth it. Aside of this, he needed professional help.

"I'll talk to Kelly tomorrow."

"Kelly? Why?" Joker looked at him.

"She's a shrink, Jeff."

"Uh yeah duh. Now why."

Normally Jase would have chuckled, instead he frowned. He didn't want to hurt Jeff, or worse, scare him. Yet he deserved the truth.

"I lied. I remember my dreams. In a good night I'm getting four hours sleep. If it's bad, the time of the actual dream I have. I have... mood swings," Jase admitted, "and lately, something else has come up. I feel guilty of being alive. I want to get better, to enjoy my life with you."

Joker fell silent, really not sure what to say to that. He frowned to himself, wondering what words would be right and no matter how hard he wracked his brain, he couldn't find the right ones. And he was sure if he said something it might upset his husband and he certainly didn't want that - but silence was sure to do that as well.

"Oh..."

"Yeah," Jase replied softly, wondering what else to say as he didn't want to hurt Jeff and right now, he feared he already did. He sighed and laid down. Everyone tried to help but somehow his mind was jumping from one corner to the next, from one memory to the other and the whole thing was kind of a mess. Saya had promised to sort it out with him and he knew he would really like to do it. Jase rubbed his eyes.

"I don't even know what I really need or want. I keep.. jumping between things, memories. I just know it has to stop."

Jeff watched him as he finished his food.

"And there's nothing I can do?"

Jase knew exactly that there was something. It just was a bit embarrassing to admit it to Jeff. It had been easier with Saya, since she was a mother and a woman.

"There's something. It's. I just. Need." Jase scratched his head. "I'm not a wuss. But there's this urge to be held." 

"No, you're not a wuss, not at all." Joker said quickly then put his plate down on the side table and lied down, wrapping his arms around the other man.

"Thanks," Jase sighed softly and cuddled into him, "I love you Jeff." Carefully Jase lowered his head to rest a little on his shoulders. He was thinking about this situation and his childhood. Instead of just thinking, he decided to tell some of it to Jeff.

"It's nice to be held. I never knew what I was missing as a child, or adult." 

"Well now you do and I promise to do it whenever you need me to."

Jase sighed softly again while relaxing and yawned a little. "Can't ask for a better husband." Jase wondered if he should tell him about the call he and Anderson had. But he knew what he could tell him. "Your shuttle is a good place to sleep in."

Joker snorted at that.

"My shuttle is not a bedroom..."

This time Jase chuckles softly. "It's not just good to transport people. No, your husband had a good sleep there." Eyes burning and body yearning for more sleep, Jase yawned quietly again. "I'll take the plates down tomorrow. Feels so good being in your arms."

"Oh uhm okay if you want then go to sleep." He wasn't about to tell Jase he was getting stiff from being in bed most of the day.

Jase turned his head a little, placing a few small kisses on Jeff's throat and neck as good as he could. 

"You don't need to stay with me. Be with the family if you want to," Jase whispered, knowing Hilary probably missed her uncle. Besides, he felt kind of guilty when Jeff had to stay with him all the time. While it was nice, it was kind of weird as well, as if he was forcing him to do something he didn't want to. On the other hand, Jeff loved him. Now he was getting himself a little bit confused again. Feelings were very complex, especially when accepting them.

"I appreciate you being here. I do, a lot. Don't want to be a burden though. Or something."

"Sssshhh go to sleep..."

A small voice whispered it was better to lay down by himself as Jeff would have problems to handle that part. And tomorrow he'd talk to Kelly. It was time to get out of this silly sorry state. Jase mumbled a yes and carefully laid down. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep again.

Joker smiled fondly at his mate then gently kisses the top of his head.  


Jase slept peacefully until the middle of the night where he started to turn around onto his left side. His left hand was forming a fist, flexing and relaxing it as if he would wield something. In his dream he was on Tuchanka, fighting off brutes, when suddenly the world turned empty. Upon his bewilderment of turning around, checking the area, his comms, calling out Jeff and the Normandy, Saya, Kaidan, James, anybody - a turian walked up to him. Jase frowned at him in surprise.

"Nihlus? It's you? But.. you're dead!"

"Is that so, Commander?"

"Saren killed you in cold blood, we heard the shot."

"Even if he did, he spared me the fate of the galaxy. I had a better end than many other turians. Look at them," Nihlus pointed across the fields, "mindless shells, used as marauders to feed husks and cannibals."

"It wasn't my doing. Not my fault." Jase protested weakly while watching the scenery.

"Is that so, Commander?" The turian repeated, but it wasn't Nihlus' voice anymore, turning into another Shepard, face and body transforming.

Jase stood his ground, resisting the urge to back off.

"What, getting scared of yourself? That's the ugly truth and situation of every planet the reapers thought worthy to harvest. Why didn't you come back, huh. You could have found a way. Instead you made friends with the crew. And your crew, your people, who needed you, you let them suffer."

There was a voice in his head, whispering to him, _"It's a dream. Always the same dream. Remember? Try to wake up."_

"It wasn't my decision. You know that." Jase replied to his other self. "It's NOT my fault."

"Is that so, Commander?" the other Shepard asked, circling him and by now Jase hated that question. He narrowed his eyes at himself. "People die around you. Your parents, you were the only one left. Tsk tsk tsk, poor baby."

Jase growled at this and glared at the other Shepard.

" _It's a dream. Wake up."_

"Then Nathan. Akuze, you were the only one left. Tsk tsk tsk, poor baby."

Sometimes Jase wished he was a biotic and able to crush and hurl people around like Kaidan did.

"Let's not even mention the other people you lost along the way. Kaidan. Yesss.... I can see it in your eyes, there are still feelings in you for him. Even if most of those feelings are meant for Joker now. Your galaxy. Dead. All lost. Tsk tsk tsk, poor baby. Don't you see it? The pattern is there, buried in your data..."

" _It's a dream, direct it."_

"Everyone around you dies. You're a walking death trap. Mordin. Thane. Legion. Thessia. Tsk tsk tsk, poor baby. LONDON! Last one standing! The whole fucking Citadel!"

" _It's a dream."_

"Wrong."

"Humor me."

"You're wrong. Mordin had to do it. It had to be him. Thane was sick, he helped us to protect the Council." 

Jase had always been stubborn. 

"Legion's now part of the geth. Blame Thessia on Kai Leng, but not on me!" Jase yelled at him, Saya's voice telling him **they** had lost it was a soft whisper at the back of his mind.

"Javik, Liara, Anderson, they survived. The Council, Sakura, Kelly and Terry on the Citadel, they survived."

"Yeah," the other one sneered, "those weren't in your galaxy. What about them. What's the poor excuse for them."

"You're not real, this is a dream. I'm waking up now. Stop bothering me every other night. The fate is my excuse. It wasn't up to me. Not my fault."

The other Shepard was laughing now and the sound was all around him, then everything went into a blur and became the battlefield of London, rushing with the group of soldiers towards the conduit. A second later and Jase felt the burn of the reaper's weapon, burning his armor to a crisp.  


For a moment, everything hurt. His chest, his legs, his head. There was a fog around his head and for a second he had no idea where he was. When the sight of their bedroom's ceiling came into view he closed his eyes and sighed in relief. The familiar pains of the injuries were leaving. He sat up and reached for the bottle of water and drank all of it at once. After closing the lid he wiped his mouth and forehead, thinking about that weird dream. 

It hadn't been the first time, but it had been the first time to hear the whisper of it being a dream. Jase could remember that. He sighed deeply and glanced at his clock. 3.12 am. 'Way too early to get up,' he decided as he placed the bottle back onto the floor at his nightstand. Then he payed the bathroom a visit. Once he was done he washed his hands and stripped off his sleeping briefs, deciding now to have a shower. He felt dirty, sweaty and way too hot and sticky.

Before he crawled back into bed, he sent Kelly a message that he was going to see her. Luckily Jeff seemed to be asleep and Jase moved close, carefully laying his arm over his waist, letting his hand rest on Jeff's stomach. He inhaled Jeff's scent with a sigh and nuzzled his neck and hair before he found a very comfortable spot. Eventually he fell asleep.

When he woke up again, the sun was already shining. The bed next to him was empty and Jase rolled into Jeff's bed, dragging the blanket with him and went back to a light slumber.

Eventually he cracked his eyes open and thought he should just stay in bed all day long. After sighing softly he was dozing for some more time, letting his thoughts wander. Until he remembered he had wanted to see Kelly. His eyes snapped open to check the time. Noon. Holy shit. Noon?

Jase couldn't remember the last time he had slept for so long. When he had been injured, yes. But not when he'd been healthy. He darted out of the bed, fighting off the blanket by hopping on one foot towards the bathroom to freshen up. Then he went to see Kelly.

An hour later he was glad he had gone to her. She was going to give him a helping hand, had suggested meditation. And something that was called lomi lomi nui. Weird words, Jase mused. But she had said people on Hawaii used it as healing for body and soul, and when entering a new phase of life. The suggestion made sense to Jase. It made a lot of sense.

But for now Jase needed to find his family. And maybe Saya had gotten news from Anderson.

Irimsaya was pacing back and forth downstairs by the vid comm they had managed to get working. Every so often she was giving it a murderous glare.

By the way she moved Jase knew something was up when he saw her. 

"Something's wrong," he more or less stated.

Saya stopped and looked at him.

"What exactly did you say to Anderson." Her voice was quivering a bit.

Jase shrugged a little. "The truth."

Irimsaya rubbed her forehead then sat down heavily.

"Well it only changed *his* mind." She smiled sadly at him. "But thanks for trying."

Jase was thinking for a moment before he nodded a little. "We spoke yesterday. He might need a few more days to convince the others."

"Jase... thank you but... I don't know if I can handle any looks that might be thrown my way cause of it being a favour to you - if it happens."

"If it happens," Jase repeated. "I didn't ask for favours."

"I know you didn't Jase, I know you never would. And I really am grateful to you, you have no idea."

Jase nodded when he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "You're healthy, motivated, skilled."

Irimsaya studied him for a minute.

"Okay talk to me. What's up?"

Jase shrugged a little, "That's what I told Anderson. Yesterday. That I'm getting sick of them treating you like shit. Then I got tired," Jase was thinking now, "and went to sleep in the shuttle." 

He sighed to confess the Kelly thing. "I.. decided to get professional help. I just had a chat with Kelly."

"Ah... so not much I can do for you then..."

Jase shook his head. "Kelly actually suggested to keep talking to you. Saya, I'm honest with you. I wouldn't stop with our chats just because I'm seeing Kelly. I need to make sure I'm not getting worse but better." 

Jase paused and swallowed down a lump. "Quite frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of myself."

Saya raised an eyebrow.

"Why Jase? Please do tell me why?"

"Why what? Kelly? Why I'm getting sick and tired of myself?" He didn't know if he could answer the second question in the way he felt it, maybe some things were hard to express with words. But why Kelly, he was sure he'd given her the reason.

"I'm tired of feeling happy one second only to experience some kind of ... fluctuation of my feelings one second later. Where I feel guilty of being happy when so many others were depending on me and. And I'm here, alive, happy. Guilty of being alive, while billions of people, races, had been killed, tortured, liquified. While here we were able to pull this off, save our galaxy and they, they never had this chance! I lost Kaidan, Joker. Did he have a sister there too? All those questions! I'm.. stuck, between these two worlds. My past there, my future here." 

Jase rubbed his head before he continued. "It makes me angry, at myself, at the world around me. Or sad, sleepy. Gives me nightmares too. I'm just... tired of it all. It needs to stop."

"I wonder if some sparring might help you too.."

He considered this for a second and nodded then. "Let's do it."

"Alright - maybe in the water? That way we won't break anything in the house..." Saya grinned ruefully.

Jase gave her a smirk. "Good thinking."

"That's usually the only kind of thinking I do." She smiled a little.

Jase nudged her a little when he walked past her to get changed. "See you in five." 

'This will be interesting,' he thought as he walked towards the beach, just dressed in shorts. He had a towel slung over his shoulder and a bottle of water in the other hand. 

Irimsaya was almost right behind him, after explaining the plan to Kaidan so he wouldn't worry, and she knew he would - about both of them. She too was carrying a towel and bottle of water, knowing this was probably going to be one hell of a workout.

Jase was stretching his hands and arms a little and rolled his shoulders a few times to loosen up the stiff muscles. He'd been sleeping too long, but at least he felt more awake now. He slipped out of his shoes and tested the water at first, then he walked in, getting his body wet. Most likely both of them would often end up in the water and he didn't want to get a nasty cool surprise. When he saw Saya coming to the water, he grinned a little. She was strong, he knew that, but he had never had a sparring match with her.

"Rules?"

"You tell me. I promise I'll go easy on you..."

"That's a promise I was going to give you. Alright, basic rules," Jase said, getting ready. Yes, this was definitely different. "When one of us wants to stop, we call it out."

Irimsaya stretched her muscles.

"Ready when you are brother."

"Ready," Jase announced and kind of danced with her for a bit, until he charged forward a bit, to see what she was doing. "Vega and I did this once."

"And who won that one?" As she ducked out of his grasp quickly.

Jase had to think a bit about that, they had been going forth and back, each of them blocking punches. It was a blur of a memory as well, like so many other things now from that time. Jase dodged an attack coming from her as he replied. "I think James ended up on the floor of the cargo hold."

"Hmm well good luck getting me down..." She went after him again.

Jase dodged and parried, ending up with having to block her. When had been the last time he had fought with a woman? That was a long time ago. And Saya was good, of course. None of the women he had met had been like Saya. Maybe Liara had come kind of close to what Saya had represented in battle.

"Are you holding back?"

"You don't want me to go full out Jase, not with the implants."

"And those idiots still want me. They had their god damn chance and wasted it." Another point the admirals were missing, he thought. She was better than he himself was and yet they wanted him. Jase went in for another attack. How the hell could they not want her? When he got a punch through he winced in sympathy. "Sorry."

"No... *I'm* sorry..." Saya grabbed his arm before he could fully withdraw it and flipped him over her shoulder into the water.

Maybe he should have seen it coming, but the move had happened so fast, it surprised him. The saltwater was stinging into his eyes and he came up for air, coughing out the water and got back onto his feet. The water was more forgiving though than other ground or floor. 

Jase thought back of all the times he had fallen down, had crashed into a hole and when Chakwas had to set his back right. Saya meant business, by the look on her face. Suddenly there was this thought coming out of nowhere, being angry with her for sitting in the Normandy, being pregnant and leaving him alone with all the crap. It was nonsense, he had never blamed her, but now it felt like this. Jase's breath hitched a little and his pulse quickened, then he charged. The kid in him was coming back, the one who loved to fight and win, which didn't care for others or the consequences.

Irimsaya didn't, couldn't, move fast enough to dodge his attack and gasped when the breath was knocked out her.

When she hit the water Jase knew he had won this part, he narrowed his eyes but not in thought, instead to peer at the water like a hawk, a small smile playing around his lips, like a predator waiting for the prey to come up, ready to strike the fatal blow. But the water became a bit too still as he grabbed into it.

Irimsaya lunged suddenly from under the still water, not planning on giving in.

Jase managed to take hold of her one hand, twisting her arm a little to keep a better grab on her. The nails of the other hand left a few scratch marks on his chest and he looked down. No one had ever scratched him like this.

Irimsaya struggled with him to free her arm, attempting to flip him over again.

Jase felt the tug, moved his foot to adjust and bring her down. He growled softly when they both went down.

Irimsaya stood up quickly and backed off a bit. She had felt a change in the way Jase was fighting, as if he had forgotten this was just a sparring match. She wiped the blood from her lip and watched him warily, staying in her defensive crouch.

Jase watched her, more sensing the weakness than seeing it on her face. "What."

"You alright?" She asked as they circled each other.

She had the bloody nose, Jase mused, as he focused in on her entirely. The sounds around them weren't reaching his ear. He raised an eyebrow at her. If he was Edi, he'd call himself unshackled. Or having broken out of the cage. Not really out of control either. But... free. Fighting another version of himself was fun. More challenging. 

"You took me out here for a reason. Time to say why."

"Thought you had some issues to work out. Guess I was right huh?"

'Two realities colliding,' Jase thought as he advanced, getting into close combat with her. He grunted when she hit his cheekbone, he had been sloppy with the defences. It rattled his teeth and he grimaced a little, refusing the urge to rub it.

"You were right. It wasn't my responsibility to save your world. It was yours," Jase said, backing off a little before turning more towards her left side. Her weakness was there. 

Irimsaya backed off a bit, concern starting to show in her eyes but she knew this was the only way he would get it out of his system.

Jase lunged forward, "Don't hold back. Your implants are needed. You're the only one who can face me. Like this." 

He parried and blocked and was surprised when she ducked aside and he got a kick into the back of his knees, sending him onto all fours. He was there for a second, panting. Then he got up to face her again. 

"I should reap in the benefits."

Irimsaya narrowed her eyes, her own anger beginning to rise.

"You think I *like* having these implants? They nearly got me killed again!"

She lunged at him.

Jase fought her off but landed on his behind and rolled out of the way, the water was making it a different experience. 

"And maybe I should have died too! And come back!"

"So what? You're blaming me for all this now?!" Saya rushed at him and tackled him into the water with her.

No, he wasn't. That much he knew as he was pushed under the water once again for a few seconds. But she had taken his place.

"No! But it was my place, too!"

'Childish, childish,' Jase thought and was glad at this point he wasn't a biotic.

Irimsaya backed off again to let him catch his breath, bruises beginning to show on her skin.

"I'm not saying it wasn't! How do you think I felt watching you do what I knew I should have been doing?!"

Jase rubbed his right shoulder. "How do you think I felt, waking up for the second time in my life to find out my former life was non existent again?! Torn. Apart! People I loved gone!" 

Jase swallowed down the lump, but it wasn't really working. 

"Replaced! Unable to help. To help my people. Being kind of tossed around again and the Alliance not wanting me! Like those.. foster parents! Say mom to me! NO you aren't my mother!" 

Jase stormed to her, "SAYA, hit me! Help me, don't hold back! Now. Please!" Jase didn't even notice the soft blue glow surrounding Saya, the barrier which was put in place, just in time.

Irimsaya stared at Jase, a shocked and sad look on her face then she was startled to find herself in a shield of some kind as he lunged at her and she hit him in the stomach with a wince, she hadn't wanted to hurt him at all.

Jase oofed, but his hands were on her again, pouring out the anger and frustration, the control gone, emptying the box it had been put into. 

The blue glow was getting back once it was down, it wasn't being noticed on his part though. 

All those people he had tried to ask for help as a child, but had received a kick in the butt instead. But Saya was here, helping. She had opened the lid. As soon as the anger was gone, the other feelings were pouring out.

Irimsaya took the beating then sank to a sitting position in the water with him in her arms. She held him tightly as he released everything he had pent up within him.  


Kaidan disappeared, he was glad he had been following his instincts. He didn't want to imagine what would have happened if he hadn't put her in that barrier. It had been a little while too since he had last used his biotics and now he had done so with a force to protect his wife. The result was a headache, but he gladly paid the price for it. Kaidan went back to Joker, wanting to give him the news they were fine. He wouldn't tell him the whole story though, what he had witnessed. No words could really describe that, perhaps witnessing an amok run was more fitting. Or intense stress release. Kaidan popped a painkiller and hoped Saya would never be like this. While they technically were the same, like twins, Kaidan also saw now that both of them were very different persons. He groaned, rubbed his temples and decided not to think about it more as he went to Joker.  


The sun was beating down on his back and a hand was caressing his neck, gently massaging his scalp. Another one was running up and down the side of his back. It was soothing, together with the sound of the waves lapping away on their bodies, the shore and the wind waving through Saya's hair, tickling his nose a little. Jase turned his head towards the other side, resting the left cheek now on her bare shoulder. His arms were wrapped around her waist, hands clasping together at the lower of her back, thumb caressing the area. She felt so small in his arms and yet she had held against him, fought off the punches, returned them. She had stood her ground, had taken it like no one else had ever done. No one else would have been able to, Jase knew that. The bomb had exploded and now there was silence in his mind.

Saya had once told him to grieve for the lost people. Jase remembered her words and he knew at that time he hadn't really known what grief was. People disappeared around him. It was like a constant all through his life at certain stages. His parents, the Demilio's. Even as Nathan had been killed, it didn't really register. Just someone else who had vanished. 

Akuze, it was more guilt of his failure, of not being able to protect, to have failed and cost so many people's lives than grief. Paul had disappeared too, he hadn't died. Well, now he was dead anyway. Then he had met Kaidan. Once their relationship had really started he had been tamed by the man. Less clubbing, less drinking. No occasional Red Sand or smoking anymore. No one night stands, another fact where he lied to Jeff. It had been a 'dating' frenzy after Paul, fighting off the loneliness. And Kaidan, he had changed that all. Had balanced him. Since he had been with Jeff, the man had slowly taken over the place and was filling it out nicely. Now Jase understood what grief is. It answered him another unspoken question: he had never mourned the loss of his parents.

Jase sighed softly, feeling content and adjusted his face. The cheek bone was hurting and he noticed a lot of other pains. His stomach felt like he had thrown up several times, his hands hurt, the shoulder protested and his eyes felt like he had gotten a lot of sand into them. In short, he felt as if he just had met a horde of husks and had fought his way through.

"Ugh," was all that came out when he slowly moved, to give Saya room to sit better. She must feel as stiff as he felt, and be in pain as well.

"Thanks," he said, feeling ashamed though. No one had ever witnessed it, not in this life anyway. It had always been in the past, in his youth. Or carefully locked away until it found the occasional release in battle.

Jase's hands moved and now he was rubbing her back gently, as if he had to soothe her.

"I'm sorry."

Irimsaya patted his back gently.

"Don't be. I told you I would do whatever I could to help you and I meant that."

He nodded a little. "Thanks. I.. don't blame you. This whole past of mine is just. Retarded." Jase cuddled in a little and suppressed a wince at the various pains and stiffness of his muscles. His legs felt like cramping up. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I could ask you the same question..."

Jase groaned softly as he moved back to look at her.

"Ow...," he commented as he looked her up and down. "Alright. That's painful."

Irimsaya snorted softly.

You should look in a mirror..."

Jase chuckled softly. He regretted it right away as pulled a face to hold his stomach a little. "Shit. You landed a good punch there." And still it felt good to smile, the chuckle turned into a soft laugh.

"Kaidan's going to kill me. Jeff too. And maybe mom."

Irimsaya started laughing with him.

"But you know what? It was a good release for both of us. Feel better??"

"Yes," Jase nodded, moving back into an embrace with her. Hugging women was definitely different, they seemed to small and fragile. Nothing like a male body. 

"I feel a lot better and content. Thank you." But Jase knew he'd follow Kelly's advice and take a look at that massage offer. Maybe Saya could need it too. They just needed to find one of the locals providing it.

"Good, that was the goal of this exercise." She hugged him back.

Jase nodded eventually and got up. His calves were definitely cramping and needed stretching. He gave Saya his hand, so she could get up easier. Jeez, he shouldn't go and meet up with Kaidan for the next few days. Especially not when those bruises were really turning black and blue. Maybe they should go and ask Chakwas for some gel to help with the bruising. Jase took a step forward and limped, left hip protesting together with the calves.

"Oh shit," Jase laughed and groaned at the muscles protesting now. "Shit shit shit. I'm an old man." He chuckled, rubbing his hip.

"Hmmm I could make a comment on that but I'll leave it alone..."

"What. Now you have to tell," he said as they walked out of the water together. Jase noticed she wasn't limping as heavily as he was. Which made him grin. The Alliance was stupid for not wanting her. Jase picked up their towels and handed Saya's hers. Then he took a good long drink from his water bottle, waiting for her comment.

"And risk getting dunked in the water again? Nahhh..."

Jase grinned at her. No thanks, he's had enough water for today. The skin on his feet and hands were proof enough.

"Can't be worse than agreeing with me," he replied as he closed the bottle.

"So you think..." Irimsaya grinned and walked a bit faster.

Jase pursed his lips and walked after her. His ego was too big to acknowledge he should slow down. Instead he grit his teeth and kept walking next to her, wrapping the towel around his shoulders. Despite the sun and warm air, he was feeling a bit chilly now.

"Yes, I do."

Irimsaya looked at him and grinned.

"Then it's too bad I don't actually have a comment and I was just teasing you...."

Jase snorted and nudged her, shaking his head a little. "Glad you disagree." Then his gaze fell on Jeff and Kaidan, sitting outside on the porch. He winced a little. "Our guys are having a good time, too."

Irimsaya was studying Kaidan's face as they approached the porch.

"I don't think so, looks like Kaidan has one of his headaches.."

"Oh," was all Jase said to this. He hated those headaches. Then his eyes were on Jeff, trying to judge his husband's expression.

Kaidan was shielding his eyes to have a better look at the two of them. Bruises, was all he was seeing and he was watching his wife, feeling her eyes on him. With a soft sigh he knew he hadn't been able to hide his discomfort.

Joker glanced at Kaidan when he heard the sigh.

"Busted huh? You can't hide anything from either of them, trust me on that."

"I keep trying though. I guess every time she catches it helps me to sharpen my skills." Kaidan gave him a smile and then he muttered, "It looks worse already. I think I have to run another bubble bath for her."

"Hmmm and for him too by the looks of it..."

Kaidan grinned a bit at Joker, if Jase was enjoying it as much as Saya. Well.

Jase studied the two of them. "Uh-oh. They're talking about us."

"Hmmm I do believe you might be right on that.."

"Yeah." Jase nodded to himself and was quiet, trying to walk without a limp and wishing he could hide those nail scratches and the bruises. He nodded at Kaidan, gave him something like a wave and went to Jeff. Jase leaned down and gave him a kiss, noting how good Jeff smelled.

"Hey, you had a good day?"

"Awesome day - spent it with the twins." Joker said after kissing Jase back.

Jase carefully leaned up and once Kaidan had taken Saya inside he got into the other chair to join Jeff.

And Kaidan had his eyes then on Saya. He got up to give her a hug.

Irimsaya winced a bit as Kaidan hugged her.

"Gently love.."

Kaidan nodded and as they went inside he made sure the door was closed behind them.

"You ah, look quite colorful."

"You think this is colourful? You should look at Jase in a day..."

Kaidan looked thoughtful for a whole three seconds and nodded. "You know, I'm not sorry for following you and throwing that barrier around you. I hate to think what you would look like if I hadn't done it."

"So that *was* you who did that. I thought you looked like you had a headache.."

"I had a painkiller and it was worth it. No one needs to know about it and I haven't told Joker. But," Kaidan looked solemn at her as he whispered, "I was afraid he would... kill you."

"Oh sweetie, I don't think it would have come to that. But thank you..."

Kaidan was nudging her gently towards the stairs, intending to run that bath for her.

"Well, it looked quite dangerous and intense. It, uuh, scared me a bit. No, that's not true, it scared me quite a lot actually."

Irimsaya turned at the bottom of the stairs to look at him.

"It really looked like that??"

Kaidan swallowed and nodded, looking around before continuing. "He was storming onto you, like." Kaidan quickly searching for the right words, "A freaking stampede or something. Like he was going to take on a brute by himself. Or a Reaper." Kaidan frowned a little, remembering Tuchanka when they had to run and dodge the Reaper.

Saya leaned into him and kissed him gently.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

There was slowly a grin spreading across Kaidan's face when she said this, knowing it was her way of saying thank you and showing appreciation for what he had done. Then Kaidan returned the kiss several times, whispering his love to her inbetween. Then he straightened up, still intent on getting her into that tub.

"I was trying to get you upstairs into the tub. Maybe I should join you, it's big enough for two people."

"Okay that sounds really really good..."

Kaidan nodded, making a humming thoughtful sound. Because she seemed to be very thoughtful too since she had come back with Jase from the beach and their sparring session. Something was on her mind, Kaidan knew that, when he lead her up the stairs and towards their bedroom. Once inside he watched her moving around and headed straight to the bathroom, filling the tub.

"You know, Joker said he might have to do the same for Jase," Kaidan chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Running a bath I mean."

"That wouldn't surprise me actually... he was on the receiving end of someone with implants. He's gonna be a lot worse off than me..."

Kaidan hummed a little again, maybe he should have put both into the barrier, but Saya had been on the receiving end as much as he had seen. The tub was filled and Kaidan joined her in the bedroom.

"Tub's ready for us, my love."

Irimsaya had slipped out of her wet bathing suit and walked with Kaidan into the bathroom.

"You do know you treat me like royalty right?"

Kaidan chuckled a little and shrugged. "You deserve it. And especially after today, not everyone would have done what you did for their brother, or sister."

Irimsaya slowly slipped into the hot water and groaned in relief.

"Oooh this feels good."

Kaidan grinned and removed his shirt. He was going to wait a bit until he'd join her and started with a gentle massage on her shoulders. Until he had to stop, the strain of working her muscles was worsening his headache and he sighed softly when he rolled his shoulders, trying to ease it a bit.

Irimsaya heard his sigh and turned to face him with a frown.

"Your head still bothering you??"

Kaidan remembered Joker's word and refrained from sighing again. Instead he nodded, giving her a small smile. "Yes. Just a little."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"In the tub mister Alenko. Now."

Kaidan stripped off the other clothes and joined her, refraining from acknowledging the order since he had wanted to join her as well. With a sigh he eased into the tub.

Irimsaya manouvered them around until she was behind him and started to gently massage his neck like Jase taught her.

Kaidan was a little afraid he was too heavy to lean onto her, but the massage he was receiving vaporized all those thoughts. Instead he groaned softly, enjoying it. His neck was cracking a little and once she reached the area of the implant he jumped a little when it sent jolts down his spine, causing a faint blue glow around his body. Kaidan groaned again and closed his eyes in bliss.

"Hey now don't go getting all biotic on me in the tub..." Saya stated when she noticed the soft blue glow but her voice was teasing.

Kaidan grinned, opening his eyes a little but closed them right away again. "Hum...," was all he managed to say, the blue glow seemed to help as well for the moment. Which was a surprise as it usually seemed to worsen it, but now it sent a pleasant buzz through his body and Saya's massage was adding to the sensation as well. Eventually there was another soft murmur coming from him and the biotic glow died down.

Irimsaya chuckled softly and leaned down to gently start kissing his neck.

She knew him too well, Kaidan knew that as she started to kiss him in all the right spots and the headache retreated into the very back corner of his head and stayed there. Kaidan sighed softly and turned his head a little to catch her cheek, placing kisses onto it.

She laughed quietly.

"Better?"

"Much better," Kaidan answered, having that quirky smile on his lips, thinking of some dirty things, something he wouldn't dare to voice and yet his body was already reacting to it.

"Hmmm what do you think you're doing young man... you just had a headache..."

Kaidan chuckled and teased back, "Young man? I'm older than you." He carefully turned around in the tub and crawled up to her. "I think I know what I'm doing. Your kisses, the massage, the water, helps me to relax...."

Irimsaya's eyes were bright with mischief.

"Oh dear what have I gotten myself into..."

Kaidan grinned, kissing her shoulders and throat gently. "I don't really know what you're talking about," he joked softly.

Irimsaya giggled softly and relaxed in his arms as the warm water lapped around their bodies.

Kaidan enjoyed their time alone with her and wasn't leaving her side later on. The headache was still lingering around and unimportant now when he spent time with their children and family.  


The next morning Jase awoke from a good night's rest, which had been filled with somewhat good dreams and carefully sat up. Very carefully. As in not groaning to wake up Jeff. He needed to make a trip to the bathroom and once he was there and done, he had a good look into the mirror. A parrot was nothing compared to his colorful chest. Jase touched the skin gently, probing it and despite hissing softly from time to time he was grinning at himself. As weird as it had been, having to beg Saya to hit him and really fight with him, the red haze he had felt at that moment, the impending explosion and outburst of sudden feelings - it had been worth it. Jase moved a little bit around and noted the other more pleasant pain in his behind, caused by Jeff. 

He chuckled at his reflection and carefully walked back to his bed. Good he had told Miranda he wouldn't be up for their morning run. That limp coming from a bruised left hip wouldn't get any better when jogging.

Jase laid down and cuddled up to Jeff, wanting to get some more snores in before... Mmh. Breakfast. Yes, he'd probably go and do it anyway. Or maybe someone else would. If Hannah could cook? Saya? Or Karin or even Miranda. Let alone Kelly. So many women in this house and he ended up cooking. It was funny, kind of, Jase mused as he kissed Jeff's back and his tongue traveled down the other man's spine. Jeff's little workout sessions with Karin always paid off and the extra time in the pool seemed to help with his muscles. Jase licked and kissed the small muscles on the other man's back, enjoying the feel and the warmth coming from him. He murmured something as he made his way back up, halfway asleep again.

Joker groaned as his body told him to wake up because it was being teased.

Jase spooned up behind him as he heard the groan, now being more awake once again. He carefully pressed himself as close as possible and rested his hand lightly on his stomach, caressing the soft curls there, playing gently with them.

"Hey lover...."

"Hmmmm feisty this morning are you?"

"Maybe." Jase chuckled softly into his shoulder, "It's nice to feel you, like this," his hand traveling lower now. He would go downstairs with Jeff together today and make the breakfast while watching his man sitting at the table. 

"It's nice to be felt like that.." Joker teased.

"That's cause I love you." Jase grinned even more and started teasing his shoulder, neck and ear.  


Jase was walking down the stairs with Jeff, hearing the faint barks of the dogs outside. Someone seemed to be walking with them, which was good. 

"Morning Miranda," Jase greeted her. She was sitting in the kitchen, reading a datapad of hers and sipping some tea. Jase's stomach lurched inwardly at the thought of tea, the smell of it made it even worse. It made him wonder if he ever would get used to it and why he seemed to be so sensitive of tea in the first place. He kissed Jeff another time when the man sat down.

They really needed some hens. Jase himself liked having two fried eggs and the whole gang seemed to inhale them as well, including the dogs. "Hey Jeff, up for some shuttle travel across the island? We need a few hens."

"Sure, I'm game for that."

Jase nodded and started with their breakfast. Eventually the others were piling in too and he gave Kaidan a nod and Saya a smile.

"Hey sis."

Irimsaya wandered over to him.

"You doing okay? You look like a punching bag..."

"Yes. It was worth it." Jase had wanted to laugh but the muscles of his stomach were protesting. "I slept good. And... you?" he asked her, knowing he had given her the same treatment.

"Uhmm well not a *lot* of sleeping on my part..." Saya winced when she heard Kaidan chuckle softly.

Jase knew what she meant, giving her a small grin and wink and just said, "Ah. Babies kept you awake. Jeff and I will take the shuttle, trying to find some hens. You want to come with us?"

"Nah you guys go ahead. Spend some... quality... time together."

Jase nodded, he had guessed she'd say this and truth be told, he was looking forward to spend some alone with Jeff, out there on their own, flying around a little.

"We will. Thanks. Need anything?"

"Well if you happen to notice any toys for children or dogs..."

Now that was something he hadn't thought of yet for real. Jase nodded. "Good thinking. We definitely need some." 

Jase always had figured dogs just need a stick one can throw and children? He frowned, trying to dig up if he had owned a toy and he knew he had... what had it been. Jase narrowed his eyes in thought, forehead wrinkling deeply in thought. Stuffed animal toy. A bear? A dog or a cat? He couldn't tell.

"Help me a bit, what kind of toys like children?"

"I guess anything they can cuddle, throw around, chew on..."

It made sense and he nodded. Back at the Citadel's shelter, he never had paid attention to toys, rather had done some sports with the kids.

"Thanks. I'll keep my eyes open."

Once the breakfast was served he made sure to keep something as a snack for Jeff and himself, taking it with them to the shuttle later on. And he needed something like a basket in case they found hens. The old barn would be a good place to look for it. Jase just hoped Jeff wouldn't start to complain his shuttle was going to look like Noah's ark.

While he was waiting, Joker went to his shuttle and started checking it over. Ships he didn't have to worry about too much but shuttles could get rust if they weren't taken care of.

Jase eventually joined him, carrying something that was good enough to fit some hens into it, a bag slung over his shoulder with proviant. Jase placed it down and placed a blanket over it.

"If there's any dirt coming into your shuttle, I'll clean it." Jase promised Jeff, watching him checking the last spot.

"She's running fine?"

"So far yep. I was just concerned about all the water around the metal but I don't notice any rust or anything yet which is good. As for the dirt- damned right you'll clean it. Especially if it's more than just dirt."

Jase nodded, eyeing Jeff up and down a little, trying not to be too obvious with it. But jeez, he had it bad for him. Jase tore his eyes away, regarded the shuttle again and eyed suspiciously the box for the hens. More than just dirt. Jeff had a point, he needed to read up more on what to do with hens. On the flight he could pull up the extranet and see what he could find. 

Jase couldn't resist anymore, he walked over to Jeff and kind of trapped him, placing his arms next to him on either side to keep him in place, coming nose to nose. 

"If she needs any paint at some point, we'll get her some. Or polish, or whatever else she needs that makes you happy."

"Erm...uhm..." Joker was staring at his husband with a small smile. "I think right now she just needs company..."

Jase grinned sheepishly at him, avoiding a kiss because if he did he knew he couldn't stop himself. "She's got us, she's eager to fly as well, huh. And you, for that matter."

"Mmh... keep standing like this and more than just the shuttle will want to take off.."

"I wouldn't mind. Not at all." Jase pushed away though and swallowed. Another place would do, somewhere nice. Up on the top of a mountain with a great view. In solitude. Instead he took Jeff's hand, holding it for a second before he let go and went to his seat in the cockpit.

Joker grumbled a bit under his breath.

"I hate it when he does that..." He mumbled then entered the shuttle and took his seat.

Jase had heard it and grinned a little to himself when getting the belt on. He checked the area for where they could stay.

"I love you too. There's a place we could fly to. Here," Jase moved the map and pressed a button on his display, pushing it over to Jeff's. "What do you think."

"Hmm well it's worth a look I guess..."

Jase raised an eyebrow at him, looking amused. "I'd feel honored if the Captain of this splendid looking vessel would fly us there."

Jase had no idea what was up with him, it had already started the moment after the sparring match when he had seen Jeff sitting on the porch with Kaidan. There was a hole in him he wanted to fill with an extra pound of love for him. Like a hunger and thirst for Jeff, as if he wanted to melt into him.

"Uh yeah sure okay. What's gotten into you this morning? Not that I'm complaining cause I'm not but it's...different."

The shuttle rumbled a little as Joker took off with it and Jase relaxed in his seat, loving it that they were taking it for a ride, just them and no one else. He felt free. The question from Jeff lingered on though as he tried to make some sense of it.

"It's not a carving for sex only, Jeff. It's a lot more than that. Being with you," Jase paused, that wasn't even covering it at all and he added, "feeling, tasting, smelling, touching you. Love. Making love. You're filling me with your love. Filling that hole in .. me. Do you know what happened yesterday?"

"I know you and your sister beat each other up.."

"It wasn't in cold blood. We weren't angry at each other." Jase told him softly. "It was...," What exactly had it been? Jase rubbed his face and sighed softly, trying to find the right words for what it had been. 

"Stress release. Anger, rage."

"Really? Is that why Kaidan thought you were going to kill her?"

"What?! No, of course not! Why would he think that?" Jase wondered. Unless... "We were alone." 

There had been no one else at the beach, just him and Saya. He hadn't seen anyone lingering around. And why would even Jeff think that?

"Then why'd he have to shield her??"

"Jeff? How do you even know this? I don't remember seeing anybody. Was Kaidan there. Was he spying on us." Or rather on him, or whatever. "I wouldn't have killed her!"

"He went down to see where his wife was Jase, to make sure she was okay. And apparently you had some kind of murderous look in your eyes that made him put a biotic shield around her."

Jase scratched his right eye a little. "I was begging her to hit me."

"Oooook... why?"

"Stress relief." Now he sighed, not knowing how to explain something like this the right way. Of what he had felt in that moment. "I was. Ugh," Jase rubbed his hair. "It was. Like drowning and trying to break free, through the surface. Throwing off the weight, begging for.. release." He shrugged. "How can I explain this, Jeff?"

"Sounds like you were like Edi when she was first unshackled.."

Jase leaned forward and looked at him. "Yeah. That exactly." He knew Jeff was damn smart. 

Joker grinned at him.

"See? I know things that you probably don't think I know." He teased.

Jase grinned back, knowing this was one of the reasons why he loved him. "You're damn smart and you know that."

Joker chuckled softly as he piloted them over the area Jase had directed him to.

Jase smiled as they sat down and the door opened. He got out of his seat and went straight to Jeff, giving him a kiss again. "I love you. That new free area in me needs to be filled. With you."

Joker laughed in delight.

"I can't wait. But didn't we come out here for a reason?"

Jase straightened up and made room for him to leave his seat. He walked out of the shuttle slowly.

"Yes. For a picnic."

"A picnic? Are you serious? I uh... I've never really sat on the ground before..."

"Yes." Jase nodded towards the seat where he had parked their snacks. A blanket was in the shuttle as well and he took it with them.

"First time for you. I'll get the cushions from your seat. Second, please." Once he had them, he laid the blanket down and let Jeff decide where to place the two cushions.

"Ready?"

Joker stiffened a bit but nodded slowly.

"Alright let's try this.."

Jase nodded and got him carefully down onto the cushions. He himself knelt onto the blanket and spread out the snacks before he moved to kneel behind him, letting Jeff use his stomach to lean onto. Jase wrapped his arms lightly around him, nuzzling his hair. 

"You okay like this?"

"This... this is kinda cool. I'm almost on the ground... thank you Jase, thank you so much!"

Jase grinned and moved a little to fish them one of the snacks, feeding one bite to Jeff, taking one himself and giving Jeff the next.

"You know," Jase swallowed down a bite, "we had to come here first. Imagine us sitting here with a bunch of ... chicks in your shuttle. Would ruin the mood." He laughed softly, remember the herd of women they had attracted more than three years ago when he had taken him swimming.

"Well hey at least they'd be fully clothed." Joker started laughing hard.

Jase was laughing hard and nodded. He knew Jeff couldn't see it, but oh his belly hurt. Jase held his stomach with one hand, rubbing the sore muscles gently and was blubbering with laughter.

"Ow..! That's until one of them lands in the pot for a special swim."

"Oh no you don't you're not hurting them!"

Jase leaned down, kissing his neck down and back up. "You're protective of some hens?" Jase asked, giving the back of his neck some attention now.

Joker groaned in pleasure.

"Yes I am actually..."

"Didn't know you had a soft spot for them," Jase sniggered a little to himself and moved on to the left side of Jeff's neck, giving it the same treatment. "I'll only take their eggs. Promised." 

Jase unbottoned his shirt, leaving it hanging open and pushed Jeff's a little to kiss the half barred shoulder. 

Next morning he'd shave, though teasing Jeff on the right spots with a five o'clock shadow had its benefits too. If lucky, he could find someone today to give him a hair cut too, the neck felt too long and the hairs were starting to tickle the inside of his ears. Years ago he'd been wearing a haircut he had liked, before the Alliance's time. It was too bad he had no pictures of the time. But if they cut the sides rights and kept the neck the same, top longer, it would nearly be the same. 

Jase reached around and pushed his hands under Jeff's shirt, which he just had managed to get out of his pants. He ran his hands up and down the stomach, fingers digging through the soft curls. Jase's left hand slipped higher, towards the left breast and he let it stay there for a little, feeling the heartbeat, making a mental map of him.

"Could do this all day long."

"Oh don't tempt me Jase... that feels so damned good..."

"We got all day. Just us. Here, by ourselves." Jase kissed the corner of his neck again when he moved even closer from behind. "Or we take this into the shuttle. Now or later, after enjoying the view."

"Honestly? I kind of like the just cuddle and hold each other aspect of this."

Jase grinned as he nodded and kissed his hair then. "So, since you're so fond of our future hens, you realize we'll need a rooster too." Jase lazily was drawing circles on Jeff's stomach now.

"Yes... after all the hens will need hmmmmm nurturing..."

"Nurturing," Jase repeated softly. "Who doesn't."

Joker smiled a little bit at that.

"That is so damned true."

"It is. Aaand.. what do **you** need, Jeff?" Jase right hand moved out from under the shirt, laying it instead onto Jeff's shoulder, wrapping him into another hug. "Now and in the future."

"A body that doesn't want to break every time I move wrong? But since I know that's not possible... just you."

Jase nodded, wishing he could grant him that one wish, but he knew as well it wasn't possible. "You have me, until my end. You're completing me."

Joker turned his head so he could see Jase's face.

"I'll always love you, you know that right?"

Jase let go of him a little bit to give him more room. 

"Yes." Jase placed a gentle kiss onto his lips, "I love you too."

When he looked him into the eyes Jase nodded, feeling Jeff had the need to tell him more. Something important besides the declaration of love.

Jeff moved closer to Jase, as close as he could get, for some reason wanting the other man's comfort now more than ever.  
  
Jase closed his eyes and rested his chin now carefully on his shoulder. While it was a warm day and the sun was shining, he didn't mind the closeness at all. And somehow, he knew, it was important for Jeff to feel him like this. If they were truly alone, and no one would interrupt them, he would even consider laying down on the ground. But the ground was hard, the blanket and cushion wouldn't be enough to make it comfortable for Jeff. The mild breeze caressing their skin and gently ruffling his hair smelled of salt coming from the ocean, mixed with the vegetation around them. Jase inhaled deeply and placed a kiss onto Jeff's neck.  
  
"Whatever the future will throw at us, I'm happy to have you in my life," Jase whispered against his ear. He knew at some point they should leave and get their hens and toys, possible seeds too for Kaidan. But having the day for themselves was nice and a rare luxury.  


Joker sighed softly, a pleasant one, enjoying being in Jase's arms - but he was starting to ache. As much as he hated to break this moment he was having with his mate, he had to.

"I feel the same about you Jase. But... not sure I can sit here any longer.."

"Not a problem," Jase replied, giving his hair another kiss before he carefully let go of Jeff and got onto his feet. With a suppressed groan which made him wonder about Saya. How much pain would she feel, despite Kaidan's help? 

Jase was standing now and carefully helped his husband to get back onto his feet. With a smile, which was only meant for Jeff, he began buttoning up his shirt, closing three of the buttons only, leaving the rest open. Jase knew he was showing some of his upper chest but it was a hot day. And truth be told, he was proud of what he had, in every aspect.

"Need anything Jeff?"

Joker was staring at Jase's partial bare chest.

"Really? *That's* what you ask?"

Jase just shrugged, looking a bit amused now when he noticed where exactly Jeff's gaze was resting on. "Yeah," he replied, scratching his head now. "Okay like this?" While they are busy hunting down things, perhaps he should try to buy some tank tops and other clothes.

Joker nodded a little.

"Yeah, I'll survive the ordeal I'm sure..."

Jase got a grin on his face now, wondering if he could help with that ordeal in their shuttle. Slowly he opened the buttons again and got rid of the shirt, dog tags blinking away in the sun, matching the glint in his eyes.

"Shuttle?"

Joker raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh you know we have to now."

Jase just chuckled softly and took his hand. The day kept getting better and better.  


Irimsaya sat down gingerly when they got back to the main house from walking with the dogs, starting to feel the fight she'd had with Jase.

Kaidan watched the pair as they left the house, wondering if they really got some hens and toys. Maybe he should have written them his own wish list as well, he thought with a small grin. Then he heard the soft groan coming from his wife.  
  
"How can I help you with this?" Kaidan asked, having hoped the warm bubble bath he had given her the evening before had helped. Apparently the barrier to protect her hadn't been enough though.

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"I wish there was someway you could help. It's alright thought, I'll be okay. This is just the after-effects. And if you hadn't shielded me...."

Kaidan sighed deeply, not really wanting to think about the what if. If he hadn't been there, what would have happened then?  
  
"He was exploding, wasn't he? Losing control over himself, for real this time." Kaidan rubbed his head, looking worried. "I'm just glad I was there at the right time." And Kaidan knew he couldn't bear losing her again, no matter how it would happen.

Irimsaya grew thoughtful and quiet.

"Yes, he was definitely losing himself. I just wish I knew how to help him Kaidan."

With a quick nod Kaidan went and sat down next to her, moving close. Laying his arm carefully around her he drew her close, giving her a soft kiss.  
  
"I have been thinking," he began softly. "Maybe it's not up to us anymore. We did what we could, all these years. We're there for him, he has us as a family. But, you know. There's also this thought of mine, wondering what I would have done if I was in his shoes. Losing you, my family, my world. All the people I knew and cared about, the galaxy with all its races. And then I know if it had been me, I would have broken a long time ago and wouldn't be around anymore. He's a stronger man than I am, in this situation." Kaidan concluded quietly while rubbing her arm gently.

Irimsaya snuggled into Kaidan's embrace.

"He's stronger than any of us Kaidan. And he saved our galaxy. Did what I was supposed to do."

"Mmmh," Kaidan murmured, giving her hair a kiss and noted just how nice she smelled. "Yes, of course he did and I know you were supposed to be the one. Having him here in our reality has surely changed our lives. Saya, look at him. He's not really able to lead a team let alone to go onto a mission. But you can. You can still go out there and I'm sure there's a reason for this, too."

Saya sighed softly.

"Yes, I suppose. But is it right for me to do that with the twins... with you... I don't want to leave any of you behind, you know?"

With a nod, Kaidan took her hand and squeezed it gently. He shared this very particular worry, yet on the other hand, he knew the reapers were gone and most threats had vanished. There was peace now and it promised a calmer life as soldier, less dangerous.

"I...," Kaidan started but stopped, thinking. "Losing you again, I'm not sure if I could go through this another time. But we're soldiers and willing to take the risk." 

There was his promotion, Saya's promotion, the position with her on the Normandy, serving together with her. "But somehow I have to believe in trying, working together with you on the Normandy once again and raising our children together. We can do it and I'm willing to try. And if you think it's not the best for our family, I'll come back with you and the twins to our house here, retire or find a job around earth. I could teach," he grinned at her, knowing he would enjoy this too as he already had been given a taste of it. "Or grow vegetables and sell them on the market place," he added with a gentle smirk.

Irimsaya smiled a tiny bit.

"Both of those sound wonderful, they really do. The twins will need you growing up because they'll need a teacher. And I can't think of a better or more honourable person than yourself my husband. We're going to need to be together - all four of us - be it on the Normandy or here. And I kind of want to get back out there you know?"

Kaidan nodded and of course he wanted to get out there too. "I won't leave any of you by yourself. We're a family. Saya, I've got your back, as always."  
  
Saya leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Then I better get in touch with the admiralty - they'll want to know the captain of the Normandy is accepting the position... with a first officer already selected."

Whatever brought on this sudden change of mind, Kaidan didn't mind. In fact he felt relieved to see her picking up her life and career again and continuing with it. Together with him and with their children. He had the distinct feeling nearly everyone would be pleased to hear the news as well. Kaidan quietly wondered what Jase and his mother in law would say.

"I love you," Kaidan simply told her, giving her a kiss back. The darkness of the past three years had been erased and their future was, for once, not written in stone by the reapers. Not anymore.

Irimsaya kissed him gently again.

"I love you too Kaidan - always have and always will."

Kaidan smiled at this, knowing he was thinking the same. For the moment the house was quiet and they had some quality time left which he was going to enjoy.  


Jase scratched his head, it was itching a little. Probably some of the tiny cut hairs were still on his head, causing this itch. 

'Should have let her wash it,' he mused. But females and giving his scalp a massage wasn't his idea of fun. The haircut looked good on him, and that's what he had in mind instead of a flirting woman. 

Jase coughed softly and scratched the longer top hair again. Well yes, it was exactly as he had wanted it, now he just needed to shave back at home. But, staring at his own reflection in the restroom of the quickly rebuilt shopping center, it looked good actually. He grinned at himself, totally pleased.

When he opened the shuttle door Jase shrugged and shook his head. The young chicken were picking away in their box. Apparently one of them was supposed to be a male, a rooster. The guy he got them from had explained in detailed length that hens were in need of a rooster, who protected them, kept them in check and well, for the sex.

Jase chuckled as he thought of himself like a rooster too, sometimes it surely had felt like this on the Normandy. Like the cat fight between Miranda and Jack. But now Miranda was depressed and lonely and where was Jack? He couldn't remember. At least they had gotten food, toys, stuffed toys, things for the dogs, blankets, more tools, useful things. And not clutter, like Jeff had pointed out. 

No, it wasn't clutter, he could craft some things out of them. Like..., well. Something. And there were books too, for children, for adults, some old vids, used backpacks and the most important, two surf boards. One of them was for beginners. Adding the feed for the animals, he had also found a stray kitten and had no idea what to do with it. There was also a bike for kids crammed into the shuttle and he idly wondered by now how he was supposed to reach his seat. Good that Jeff already was sitting in his.

"You sure I haven't overloaded it?" Jase asked, totally not sure himself and picked up the kitten to cuddle it.

"Oh please you could pack this thing with even more and I could still get us back. It might take a bit longer but we'll get there." Joker replied.

Jase wondered just how slow they would actually fly and if shuttles were able to crawl along as slow as a snail. The kitten meowed a little and somehow Jase considered gifting it to Sakura. He would have to discuss this with the family though. Carefully stepping over the precious items, Jase eventually settled into his chair with a sigh and didn't need to be told for once to get his belt on. The seeds in his short's pockets rustled noisily as he moved around a little to sit more comfortable.

"Got any suggestions for the kitten, Jeff?" Jase asked, maybe he was interested in a pet. Aside of the hamster, fish, dog, and now chicken, which they owned.

"I always liked cats... they can snuggle me without breaking anything." He laughed a bit.

Jase grinned, he hadn't thought of that. Judging by his knowledge he had to agree with Jeff. Cats rarely break anything and he considered them soft pawed. Unlike a dog which could nudge and shove and decide to be stubborn.

"Nice," he commented with a smile, "then she's yours." Truth be told, he had no idea if it was a girl or a boy kitten. Now he was looking forward to what his sister had to say about the things, including food, they had hunted down.

Joker grinned at the thought of having his very own cat, but focused on getting them back to the house. He was a little worried with the weight they were carrying but he wasn't about to tell Jase that - his husband was so happy that there was no way in hell Joker was going to ruin that mood at all.

"Okay we're 2 minutes out - be warned... the landing could get bumpy."

"Bumpy, huh," Jase commented, looking at him with a small grin. And he knew he should be aware of how much a shuttle could hold, knew he should know it better. And yet, he felt like it didn't matter anymore, handing someone else the responsibility he used to have. It felt good. When Joker said he can handle it, Jase knew he was able to handle it.

Joker managed to land the shuttle with only a small bump more than usual.

"Okay... we're down. Let's get this baby unloaded."

"Well done, Jeff," Jase said, while caressing the baby cat and he heard it meow quietly. Maybe it was hungry. He carefully extracted himself from the seat and could already hear their dogs barking, announcing their arrival.

"Looks like we'll get some help to clean your shuttle up," Jase grinned as he weaved his way through the clutter and opened the door.

Joker smirked.

"You'll have to if you wanna get me out of this seat."

"Yeah, maybe I just like seeing you in that seat and...," Jase stopped as he saw Saya coming towards them. "Hey sis."

"Hey Jase, welcome back - did you find everything you went for? And is Joker alright? That landing looked a little... wobbly." Saya smiled at him.

Giving his sister a kiss Jase nodded, "That among other useful things. Have a look." 

He stepped aside so she could see, at this moment the cat meowed again and Jase looked down at the little one. Maybe Saya had a point with the landing, his man hadn't hurt himself, had he? Jase went back to Jeff, small frown on his face. "You ok, Jeff?" he whispered.

"Uh, yeah why wouldn't I be? I just landed a delivery wagon." Joker laughed.

Jase joined in with the laughter, clearly relieved and handed him the little cat after giving him a kiss. He had no idea where else to put it while getting all these things out of the shuttle. And besides, it was Jeff's cat now and they should get used to each other.

The first box Jase picked up and carried outside was something special for Saya. "For you. They'll have to grow into them though."

Saya took the box with wide eyes.

"You found them some clothes?? Oh Jase! How can I ever thank you?!"

"That smile on your face is good enough for me," Jase grinned. 

There was no reason to tell her from where the clothes, among other items like towels, blankets and bedding had originated from. People were trying to trade items or sold them. And since he had nothing to trade, the credits had to make do. There was more paint in the shuttle than what they had found at the house, tapestry, brushes, pieces of carpets, curtains. And then there was the corner filled up with wood, old crates which held another batch of old tools. 

Luckily nearly everything was already sorted, like the box with toys and equipment for dogs, or the toys box for children. Or the small box which held some real books, another one was filled with paintings for children, pencils, some half used colored books which had been started by children before the Reapers had come. There was a pang of regret rushing through his body, causing his heart to beat a little bit faster. It was sad and he briefly wondered where his toys had ended up after the accident. They never had given them to him, after the time in the hospital.

"That surfboard is for beginners," Jase explained to his sister when he pointed at it, "and got seeds for Kaidan."

Irimsaya nodded regarding the surfboard then grinned when she heard about the seeds.

"He'll be so happy - thank you so much Jase."

"Everything for the family, Saya." There was a small chuckle coming from him before Jase nodded and then he looked around once more, scratching his head. "Best to get the livestock settled in first, they need water and food." The chicken looked a little frightened, he thought.

"Scored another trade with a guy, getting a few mattresses for the kids. That wood in the corner could make a few good beds." Luckily, well this time, the guy in question knew who he was and had been more than willing to part with them for a few credits. They just needed to pick it up. There was so much to do, he settled first on the animals though and suddenly his stomach growled. Yeah, dinner needed to be cooked as well and Jase grinned at Saya, shrugging with an apologetic look.

"Who's cooking tonight?"

Irimsaya shrugged a little.

"It hasn't really been discussed yet to be honest Jase. Why?"

Which meant he would probably do it anyway. And the sooner they got the shuttle cleared the sooner he could go and fix them something. Just so many things to do and right now he understood he wasn't that good in organizing household stuff.

"I'll cook. After Jeff's shuttle is cleared. Any news while we were gone?"

Saya smiled a little bit.

"Well I guess it qualifies as news... I'm going to go back to active duty on the Normandy."

Jase kind of let everything drop and focused entirely on Saya. A wide smile spread across his face as he approached her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging Saya. Apparently his chat with Anderson really had helped.

"Good news indeed! When will you leave?"

Irimsaya hugged him back tightly.

"A couple of weeks I guess. I want to make sure the twins will be up for it... I just want to show those brass a-holes that I'm worth more than they think I am."

"Like hell you are," Jase answered, stroking her back gently. The house would be very empty without this part of his family, but hopefully the shelter would be up and running by then, keeping him busy. "They're idiots. It's painful to think like this, but they are. At least Anderson's different."

Saya nodded a little bit, enjoying the stroking of her back - which in itself was surprising.

"Yeah, maybe he is. We'll see." She forced herself to smile. 

There was no way she would admit to either Kaidan or Jase that she was doing this for them. The thought of going back actually made Saya cringe.

Jase frowned a very little at the way she said this, but he wasn't going to comment on it. For now he just felt happy she was going back, picking up her life.

"If you ever need my help, I'll be there."

"I know you will, Jase. And for that I will forever be grateful." Saya replied softly.  


Later that day, in the evening Jase relaxed with Jeff on their bed and he was thinking, if he ever would go back to active duty eventually. Right now he knew he wouldn't, but on the other hand, he was missing his old life too. Jase shrugged it off and fell asleep next to Jeff, dreaming of the day's events.

In the following weeks Jase made good use of the items he had hunted down, built up the houses, improved them with the help of the family. Word was getting around where the saviour of the galaxy lived and sometimes they found boxes with items, cards and letters or messages on the terminal. Items mostly consisted of helpful materials, sometimes toys, blankets or even plants. The hens and the rooster were growing nicely too and Jase hoped one day they'd have eggs and perhaps some of them would be fertile and they could add more chicken to their livestock.

Sakura was slowly getting better which delighted Jase and she had taken a liking to surf. And Jase happily complied, teaching her on the way too huge beginners board. One day, eventually, he was happy to bring home a children board and he laughed when Sakura squealed in delight. She even seemed to accept Pepper better and Kelly was doing her best to help the child.

As for Jase himself, he knew there were dark parts in his mind, which were ignored, as usual. Despite Kelly's warning and insisting on him agreeing to visit the old woman. She was said to be a healer of body and mind. But the thought alone of having her touch his body and trying to heal the mind set him off. 

Jase was scared. Scared of facing the demons and having to deal with them. Yet, he knew, one day it would have to be dealt with it and finish it. The massage he should get was there, looming around the corner. Luckily there hadn't been any other days where he felt the urge to go and fight with Saya.

'Saya,' Jase thought, watching her with the twins and Kaidan. Their little family. There was some regret he felt of not having his own child. The regret of seeing her with Kaidan and knowing soon, in a few days, the house would be empty and they were gone. The regret of not going with them, of Jeff not flying the Normandy.

The mixed feelings grew when they were packing their clothes, when he brought over the toys and handed them to Saya. Jase knew Jeff noticed the change of his mood too, yet it was one mixed with happiness and fear of being left alone again. Which was weird too, he hadn't had these kind of problems and feelings when Saya was in detention and Jeff was with the Normandy and Edi. He had been alone back then too.

The day of their departure was close and Jase was watching Jeff playing with his cat on their bed. It made Jase smile, knowing the animal had grown fond of Jeff, too.

Joker looked over at Jase and smiled sadly.

"I can see what's going on with you Jase. I know you too well. You're scared because Saya and Kaidan are leaving. There's no need to worry - I'll never leave."

Jase nodded at this. "House will feel empty by this time tomorrow." 

He sighed deeply as he got up and settled down on his bed, carefully stroking the cat's fur. He knew the next day was going to be... hard. "Makes me glad she's going back, don't get me wrong. It's just. I don't know."

"You feel like a part of you will be missing. I know. And not having the twins here... well that's gonna be weirdness in itself." Joker sighed softly.

Jase nodded, exactly this. He leaned over and kissed Jeff. "I've got you."  


The next day was indeed awkward, a little at least. Jase kept close around the twins, carrying David a lot more often than usual and noticed Jeff was doing the same with Hilary. And the hour of their departure drew closer and closer and then it was time for Jeff to fly them to HQ. Jase took their belongings and helped Kaidan carrying them inside.

"Keep an eye on her, will you," Jase chuckled softly, knowing full well Kaidan was doing it anyway. "And..., don't push yourself too hard. Don't want you passing out again, Kaidan."

Kaidan chuckled softly then hugged Jase carefully before he took David from him.

"I'll look after all of them, don't you worry. And I'm hoping we won't get into any situations where I have to go full out with my biotics like that again... but knowing your sister..."

Jase grinned, going wow in his head, he was getting a hug from Kaidan. "Thanks, Kaidan. I'll watch after your garden. No promises, though," Jase joked a little, before turning to Saya to grab her for a last hug. 

Irimsaya held Jase tightly, closing her eyes and trembling a little a bit.

"Take care of yourself Jase." She whispered in his ear. "And keep in touch okay?"

Jase nodded, patting her back gently. "I will."  


And then, then they were gone and Jase was watching the shuttle flying off and away, taking their mother with them as well. He fingered his eyes, noticing the moisture and shrugged, keeping an eye on the shuttle until he couldn't see it anymore.

Over the following weeks Jase kept himself busy, calling Saya frequently. Another child made it to their house, a boy this time, named Jeremy and was 12 years old. 

Jase took a liking to him right away, he had an interesting character and quickly showed his love for reading, writing and music. Aside of the boy, Jase took care of the garden by giving his best and he was damn glad when the plants didn't die. 

After taking another shopping round around the island he came back home with a bunch of goose and the next day they could pick up two horses, which were a nice addition. Pepper was having a field day scaring the horses together with Ares.

One evening the terminal beeped and Jase went to answer it.

"Hey sis," he looked surprised, but in a pleasant way, "thought you weren't calling for another day."

Saya smiled a little bit.

"Well I thought I'd call and see if you were up for some company..."

Jase's smile grew. "Always. House is empty without the family. When will you be home?"

"Weeeellll.... if you look outside...." Saya was grinning now.

Jase laughed then, shaking his head and shut off the terminal to rush outside. And indeed there was another shuttle next to theirs.

"Saya! Kaidan!"

Irimsaya was still grinning broadly as she walked out of the shuttle with Kaidan, each of them holding one of the twins.

"Jase!" She shouted back in delight.

Jase ran to her and gave her a long hug and cuddled the twin in her arms, then went on to Kaidan and the second twin.

"You look good. How long can you stay?"

"A couple of weeks - the Normandy had to come back for a few general repairs and upgrades." Kaidan answered with a smile. "So you're stuck with us."

"Upgrades, huh," Jase grinned. "Make sure to tell Jeff about them, he's dying to hear from his Normandy." Jase chuckled, looking forward to cook. "Come on, inside with the lot of you, there's a lot to tell."

Irimsaya and Kaidan both followed Jase into the main building. Saya looked around as they walked, noting there were a few more bodies here now then when they left.

"I see some people have found you after all. Good."

Jase nodded and he was feeling damn proud of it. "Yeah. The boy with the dark curly brown hair is Jeremy. Twelve," Jase said quietly. "He might follow you around, having an easier time to get along with adults than with other kids." 

Jase smiled a little as his eyes went onto the next. "That's Kai. Seven years old, likes to wear his hair long apparently. Very shy, but has taken a liking to color pictures and watching those old children vids. Needs a hand with reading, though. About a week ago he just showed up at our house. Clothes torn and dirty, hungry. Doesn't know where he's from, but you can never tell with them. They all have their story and yet they claim not to remember any of it."

Irimsaya nodded as she took in all the information Jase was giving them, noting that Kaidan seemed extremely interested as well. She idly started to wonder if her husband was thinking about attempting to repopulate their species with her.

"Well they sound like they might be a handful... do you have enough adults here then?"

"For now," Jase answered, looking a bit amused at the glance Kaidan gave Saya and then him, knowing what the man was thinking. "Leave the twins with us, if you want. Gives you some time to settle in. Meanwhile, I'll round up some dinner for all of us."

"Are you sure you don't mind watching them?" Saya asked in concern. "I know they've missed their uncles but I don't want to overburden you either."

Jase just gave her that look and took David from her and gave him a thorough cuddle right away, having missed the little guy like crazy. "A month and he's grown so much."

"I think Kaidan's using the plant fertilizer on them to be honest." Saya answered in a teasing voice then laughed at the look her husband gave her.

"It's, ah..., good to be home," Kaidan just said, grinning and getting a bit red.

Jase smirked, wondering if they hadn't had any good quality time together on the Normandy. First he nudged Kaidan, then Saya. "Upstairs with you two. Before you fertilize the food."

Irimsaya burst out laughing then gasped as she suddenly found herself in Kaidan's arms and being carried inside.

"Kaidan! I can walk you know..."

Kaidan tried hard to keep a straight face when he carried her upstairs, if he started laughing he'd let her slip.

Jase just shook his head and was playing a little bit with David before he ended up fixing dinner, with the help of the kids. Jeremy proved to be very useful, Sakura as well, he just had to keep a close eye on Kai. Once they were done preparing the kids had other ideas and he nodded his agreement for them to leave the kitchen, after washing their hands.

While busy with their food he was wondering if he should take Kaidan for a ride with the horses. Too bad they only had two.

Joker came into the kitchen and sniffed.

"Something's smelling good in here." He spotted the twins. "They're home??"

"Hey. There you are. Yeah, surprise." Jase flashed him a grin. "They're home. Normandy is getting upgrades."

"Upgrades?? What are they doing to my baby now??" Joker sat down next Hilary's high chair and started playing with her.

"I don't know. I'll try and convince my sister to take you on a tour," Jase grinned, watching him play for a second before making sure their dinner wasn't getting burned. "You'd make a good dad."

Joker glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Is that a hint?"

Jase focused back on the food, luckily the kids were now busy somewhere else. Before he answered Jase looked around to make sure they were alone so far. "It is. I'd like to have a child with you."

Joker was staring at him.

"Jase... it's not possible. I don't know about you but I'm missing some key parts for that.."

"I know," Jase sighed, getting the plates. "There are rumours of doctors 'crafting' babies for same-sex-couples. Dr. Chakwas is looking into it. If it was possible, would that be something you would want, too?"

Joker focused his attention back on Hilary.

"Jase.." His voice was soft. "What's brought this on, if you don't mind my asking."

"Javik and I have something in common. We're the last ones of our cycle." It would be so much easier if he was into women, Jase mused while placing the plates with steaming food onto the table. Maybe he shouldn't have brought it up yet either, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. Seeing Hilary and David again just brought the urge back into his focus, remembering the chats he had with Saya and Chakwas.

"And I love you. I wouldn't ask anyone else for this but you. 'Creating' a child with someone else. It's cheating."

Joker returned his eyes to his husband then nodded slowly.

"So let's do it then."

Jase leaned down and gave him a kiss. "Thanks. I'll get our lovebirds from upstairs," he said, disappearing upstairs, wondering what Jeff was thinking about this otherwise. He knocked on the door to Saya and Kaidan's bedroom. 

"When you're done in there, dinner's on the table." Jase chuckled and hurried back downstairs snickering to himself. Through the open door he hollered, "Food!" watching the little stampede marching past him. Jase turned around, keeping an eye on the stairs then.

Saya sighed when she heard Jase's announcement and snuggled a bit deeper into Kaidan's chest before slowly extracting herself from his arms. She put on one of her sundresses and watched as Kaidan donned a pair of shorts and a loose fitting shirt, leaving the buttons undone.

"Are you trying to make it harder for me to get down there?"

She shook her head at his smirk then headed down the stairs with him.

Kaidan chuckled and playfully slapped her butt a little. If it was up to him she would wear nothing but a bikini. "It's amazing how fast you adjust to the temperatures coming from the Normandy. I forgot how hot it can get here."

"Hmm... I think the implants might help me a bit there to be honest sweetie." Saya replied with a grin. She still wasn't used to him acting so playfully and she loved it.

Kaidan nodded, this could be very well a reason. "Now you're making me jealous," he joked a little. "I might go for a swim in the pool, or ocean later. After our children are asleep. Maybe you want to join me?"

"Hmmm I don't think there's any maybes about it. Damned right I'll join you." Saya grinned broadly at him.

Kaidan chuckled, so looking forward to it now.

Later, he also agreed for a ride out with the horses on the next day, eager to get out of the cramped feeling he had while on the Normandy. Another surprise, but he knew from experience it would pass.


End file.
